Tess Holmes

Full Name: Tess Marie Holmes
Birthdate: 12/12
Age: (if an adult)
Country of Origin: London, England
Current Home: London, England
General appearance: Her eyes are an almond brown color, and here eyes are always shining with curiosity. Her skin is always pale, for her lack of interest in the sun, yet no matter how she tries she cannot tan. She is short, and she's lithe but normal overall.
Special Features: N/A
Blood purity: Pureblood
Sexual alignment: Heterosexual

Personality: Tess is not one that is always expressing their emotions. She's quiet for the most part unless she is spoken to. She knows for a fact that being quiet has it's advantages, which for her are being invisible. She is quiet intelligent, always having her nose in a book. She often times wonders if friends are needed, but seeing students fight over something petty tell her that the answer is no. She is sarcastic, but it' a shield to protect her from the normalcy around her that usually rejects her. Her brothers were thought to be the shining boys of the family and Hogwarts remembers them well, she just happens to be ignored for not following their shining example. She sometimes forgets for lonely it can get, even with a book to escape reality, but she'll never admit it.

Background:
Angel was born in a house, that was cold. Her father was always cared about the Ministry of Magic, his own work, and her mother, had no other interest but herself. Her older brother was her senior of 14 years, and had moved out and really lived in France as he pleased, only contacting them through money. As much as she tried, all that they cared for was her basic materials for her to have, in their mind, having material goods signified love. She never minded much, books were her only outlet to her trying to understand how the world way. She was always a bit quirky when talking to other people, never really realizing it until she would be told that she was a 'freak'. At first it stung, often times she'd end up crying over how easily you could make mistakes.

Once she got the letter of Hogwarts, she knew that this was her chance of escaping the darkness that surrounded her home. She had one of the elves drop her off at the train station, considering her family was "too busy" to even care about her. At the age of eleven she no longer cared about her parents, all she needed was her books paid and her uniform clean and she'd use Hogwarts as her training for the real world.

Her first year she tried to fit in, copying smiles, or gestures, but they seemed too fake. Everything scooted away from her and she'd end up alone, trying to figure out what she did wrong. She would act indifferent, as if she didn't care what simpletons thought, but sometimes, she'd find herself letting out a few tears over her incompetence. All the letters she sent were for her elves, the closest thing she'd have to real family. Once she returned home, there was not even a peep from either parents. It was until a month later that they realized she was there and they gave her the most uncomfortable hug before rushing out. Once again she was left in the cold, with nothing but a bitter taste in her mouth.

After a while she stopped caring. The bitter taste in her mouth grew, she no longer tried to be nice, no longer tried to act like them. They left her alone for the most part, sometimes some Gryffindors would steal her broom, which she didn't care, but when her books disappeared, that's when she felt just rage in her system. She'd end up getting into fights, but talking her way out of getting detention. All she did was get better at DADA and potions, but no where close to making new friends.



Family:Mother:Name:Evangeline Holmes/45: / Living or dead:Living /Blood status/species: Pureblood
Father: Name: Sherringford Holmes / Age:46 / Living or dead: Living / Blood status or species: Pureblood
Siblings: (if applicable) Name: Mycroft Holmes / Age: 27  / Living or dead: Living / Blood status or species: Pure
Pet:(if applicable)Name: Toby / Age:2 /Living or dead:Living /Blood status/species: Half Kneazle, half ocicat
Other: Name:Marie Holmes / Age: 65 / Living or dead:Alive / Blood status or species:Pureblood
Name: Alec Holmes / Age: 66 / Living or dead:Alive / Blood status or species:Pureblood


Family Background:

The Holmes family are an old family. In the muggle perspective, they are aristocratic people, always living in the affluent society. They are of French and English descent, and all are taught at a young age to become as versatile as possible. All Holmes come with a trait that is all their own, that being that they must be taught to merge into society, all are analytical and oftentimes cold. In the Magical World, they are all in the Ministry field in one way or another, and all are known to have a successful future.

Accepted

Tess found herself once more sitting beside her brother as she took the classes again. She was getting sick of them, but here she was being drilled about what it was to be a proper Holmes, and a success out in the world. Mycroft looked like he was paying attention, but Tess, her gaze was glazed over, obviously her mind was elsewhere.

Being ten, her imagination was taking over the particularly hard moment. She imagined running around with her friends...her imaginary friends. Unlike Mycroft, who was already a graduate, had a successful graduation, with many job offers given to him. He was their golden child, and their best hope for a successful continuation of their family.

"Mycroft rule number seven" her father barked.

Tess' body immediately stiffened at the tone, she hated that tone. Often times when he said something in that tone, she'd turn to a puddle of tears. Always telling her that she was the weaker child, or that she was too emotional.

"Stare them straight in the eye, it shows them that you have the name, the power, and the riches to get your way in whether it be business or pleasure."

Her gaze was on her brother as he recited this so clearly, no hesitation nor a hint of emotion. He had them drilled so easily, he was so perfect, that she felt a twinge in her chest. It never hurt more, especially when she moved her gaze towards her father and he was staring at her brother with so much pride that she just wanted to disappear.

Mycroft was the golden boy, the one who got perfect marks on his tests, the one that always got compliments from his professors, the one who was considered a prodigy. And here he was, beside the forgotten sibling that was born already in the shadow of him.

"Tess!"

She jumped and lowered her gaze immediately as her father already held a face of disgust. She closed her eyes knowing she had already failed today's lesson. She wished she wasn't so jumpy, she wished she wasn't so weak, and she wished she could just disappear.

"Y-yes father?" she whispered.

For a ten year old, she should have been stronger. This is what her father, Sherringford Holmes, thought as he looked down at her. Her body language screamed submission and that was a horrible thought. By her age Mycroft could recite everything, stare at him straight in the eye, and overachieve. He was perfect, perfectly ready for school and to be the child they always wanted. He always wanted a boy, that much was clear when his wife Evangeline gave birth to their son. They only needed one child, a male to carry on the name and keep the family going strong.But Tess, poor Tess was just the surprise child. Mycroft was already in the end of his fourth year when she was born. When his wife had fallen pregnant once more, children were no longer needed nor wanted. And here he was, dealing with a piece of child, who was so shy, painfully shy and skittish. He sighed.

"Don't stutter" he said firmly.

"...right!" she squeaked out.

He rubbed his temples and new that there was no use. Perhaps she'd make a good wife to a good family. That was a good achievement as any with her; a business merger one day, he knew his wife forced him to make an effort, but then again it seemed harder and harder the older she got and the lack of changes in her demeanor.

"Mycroft you're dismissed"

"Thank you father"

Mycroft immediately got up, bowed before leaving the office. His steps were steady and firm. Tess sighed, he always walked with purpose even now that he was fourteen, he had an eloquence with him. And she..she walked like a newborn calf, nervous of whatever could pop up in dark corners, and no matter how they yelled or prodded, it would do nothing but make her even more skittish.

"Look at me Tess Marie"

Her eyes fluttered opened and she looked up to her father her gaze wanting to lower, but she wouldn't allow it. For once she wanted a smile, something, anything to show that he cared. This man, her father was a force to be dealt with, with his 6'4 height and his face, cold as ice, she knew that she was no match, but she'd try to make him proud, if only for a second.

"Recite rule one" his voice boomed.

Tess fiddled with her fingers and her feet tapped the tile floor as her mind was rushing through the rules. Once the rule appeared in her mind a meek smile rose.


"Rule One" she began before taking a deep breath "Holmes never lets someone have the upper hand..."

His face was not changing and her gaze lowered a bit. She knew she was already breaking a rule, but she couldn't say it correct if she kept looking at him.

"If physical abuse is not appropriate go for the jugular with your words."

He was the ice man in her mind. You could never know with him, never really getting where he was going, if he was feeling joy with her words or disgust.

"You will learn that in the real word, your words make you either a success or a failure" she trailed off with a softer tone at the end.

She heard him getting closer and she gripped the seat part of the chair as he bent down to face her. She bit her lip and she looked up at him tentatively. His eyes, were like an eagle's calculative and a bit cold, and she, was the victim of his gaze.

"It's good that you remember it love" he said.

She practically glowed at his comment, glad she could be of some use to him. She wanted to hug him tightly and tell him that she was trying hard, especially as she felt his fingers run through her short brown hair. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. So cold, she ignored the shiver from the cold fingers and his cold lips. Ice man indeed.

"You almost made me proud of you Tess" she heard him whisper. "Perhaps one day you will deserve your surname."

She closed her eyes tightly and ignored the burning sensation that came with the need to cry. Again she failed, and he was more disappointed than ever, she knew it. She could never say it in the right way. Whether it be messing up a word, or stuttering, or taking too long, it was always wrong. She was so close today, no stuttering, no slowing down, but she had the wrong tone. She knew it.

"My apologizes father" she whispered.

"Yes...well I'm used to it...the failure that is eminent when testing you."

Merlin she felt like she had the stench of failure on her. She bit back a sob and lowered her gaze. Sherringford sighed, so submissive, such a shame she couldn't be more like Mycroft.

"Go to your room, you will not attend supper. I don't want to see your face at the table. I'll send Ellie to give you your food. In the meantime, write and recite all our rules until I send a message for you to stop do you understand?"

She said nothing.

"Do you?!" his voice boomed.

"Yes" she whispered.

"Get out of my sight"

She rushed off immediately, as she ran up the stairs she saw Mycroft staring at her with his cold eyes. He shook his head and leaned against the rail.

"For once, can't you toughen up? I swear you want him to tear you to shreds"

Tess finally let her tears fall and she glared at her perfect brother. He was the preferred choice, the Golden Boy, why did she have to be blamed for something that wasn't her fault.

"I didn't ask to be born" she hissed to him. "One more year and I'll be out of here, and out of their hair."

She wiped her tears and took in a sharp breath, and he simply stared at her. She had no hope, she always held her heart on her sleeve. Walking forward he placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"We are made of ice" he began. "Our family is cold, calculating, but prideful. We do not melt under a heated glaze, and when fury comes our way, we use this coldness for our advantage. When you get that through your pretty little head, maybe he'll start seeing you as his own."

Tess nodded and looked at him with her big doe eyes. It gave him a twinge of sadness that she wasn't perfect. She was so imperfect, so innocent, that she would be taken down the moment she hit the real world. Such a shame.

"I'm not meant to be ice you know" she murmured.

He sighed.

"But you're supposed to."

"I will...I will try, you'll see Myce" she said softly, but with determination. "then I'll deserve some praise like the kind you get."

He walked towards her and placed a hand on her cheek. He wiped a few tears before he kissed her forehead and nodded. He didn't believe her for a second, but he wouldn't crush her spirit, it wasn't his job, it was the ice man's job, and he was doing a good job at it.

"Remember, a heart on your sleeve means-"

"Pain, weakness and eminent failure." she interrupted him with a shy smile.

"Atta girl, now go do your work, I'll ask Ellie to give you some sweets Go."

She wiped her tears and nodded. From this moment on, it seemed that the ice began to grow around her. It was thin, easily breakable, but she wouldn't be such a failure in the future. She couldn't be anymore. All she wanted was a grin, a pat, some pride in her father's eyes.

It was Christmas, and despite everything, she was excited. Packing the last bit of her things, she was excited to see her parents. Because aside from everything, she really did love them. They gave her what she needed, at least in the material aspect. If only they were less cold. Her roommates were never to be seen, as if they didn't even exist, it was perfectly fine with her. Picking up Toby, she closed the dorm door and headed towards the stairs. She briefly wondered if she would be picked up by her mother, or another house elf. All these musings were distracting, especially as she took a lonely ride towards the train.

A few hours after, there she was, at platform 9 and 3/4 waiting for her parents to arrive. A half an hour passed, and she sighed knowing her parents were probably doing business. Then an hour, and she was sitting on her suit case waiting patiently. But once it hit the two hour mark she was now just looking at her shoes, holding her coat tightly around her, shoulders slump as she forced herself not to cry. Over a dozen people had passed by asking if she was fine, only for her to nod and wait. But enough was enough. Taking out her muggle phone she took in a deep breath before dialing the number.

It rang, once...twice...thrice, until ti was picked up.

"I'm in a meeting, make it fast" she heard through the line.

"Myce" she spoke softly his petname.

He realized the tone that it was in and Mycroft immediately changed his.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"They forgot me again" she breathed out with a rush.

There was silence on the other line. She knew that he was trying to figure out a way to justify their parent's actions but that was not going to work. But she couldn't help but press the cellphone closer to her cheek as she heard the shuffling.

"I'm on my way"

She held back tears as he ended the call once he told her he was in the limo heading towards her. Toby was stretching itself tired of just sitting there too. In no less than twenty minutes the limo was in front of her and the trunk popped open as did the door. The chauffeur immediately picked up her bags, after she got up, and she slid into the limo. As the door closed behind her, she looked up to see her brother staring right at her, a frown etched on his face.

Silence was over them as the limo began to head down the streets. Before long the silence stretched too long in Mycroft's opinion and she spoke up.

"Had you been waiting terribly long?" he asked.

Whipping her head up she stared at him with a frown of her own.

"Two hours Myce, two! They forgot me. Where are they gallivanting through Spain?!"

With a look that he gave her, he immediately shut her up. He was good at giving her that look that made her respect him immediately. Taking off his coat, he wrapped it around her and sighed.

"Paris" he mumbled.

"What?" she asked confused.

"They're in Paris, for Christmas, New Years"

Tess looked down and felt a bad taste in her mouth appear. Where was a letter for her to know? She was growing sick of time after time being forgotten. Tess jumped immediately as she felt his hand over hers. It was a memory of how they used to be, where she always loved climbing over him and having him carry her everywhere, but those were years ago.

"Thank you for picking me up" she murmured.

The trip was a silent one as they headed towards the mansion hand in hand. That night she had gotten dead sleep, not even dreaming, knowing that it wouldn't be as special as it usually was. Christmas was one of those things that seemed to lose it's spark the more years passed. It disappointed her.

Morning arrived and she ran barefoot down the cold stairs towards the tree. Despite her fear of Christmas being not special, she at least had Mycroft. At least that's what she thought, until she saw him talking on the phone. Business. She forced herself to not show her disappointment.

Noticing her, Mycroft covered the cell at the bottom and turned towards her.

"Start opening up presents, I'll be in the office doing some business"

Before she could retort he had shut the door. The door closing echoed down the cold hallways and buildings. And under the twenty foot tree, despite of all the presents, it was still deadly empty. In her eyes these just made her feel that she was being paid to do this. The elves popped and offerred to spend their time with her, earning a bright smile from her.

And as she unwrapped her presents, the elves and and ate their fairy cake, while she felt a little less alone in the world.

Character Study III

New Years. It was new years, another year was ending to start a new one and she hoped she would be spending it with Myce. Christmas had been a disaster. All that she and Mycroft shared was dinner and that was because he had a weakness for cake.

Now that it was New Years, he seemed more swamped than ever. He hadn't even opened the door to the office. It seemed their father had left him with a stack of tasks and there she was, with a coat around her, waiting for him. Looking back up she realized it was ten pm and there was no way he would be getting out soon.

"Would Miss like cake?" an elf asked her.

Shaking her head, she turned around and took off her coat. It was pointless. Throwing herself on the couch she tugged her boots off, and with a struggle, she was removing all horrid winter clothing. Heading up the stairs she forced herself not to be childish and stomp all the way up. Crawling to her bed, she felt Toby meow and curl itself beside her.

"Might as well sleep right Toby?" she asked.

The cat merely mewled in response before purring as it got under the covers. Sighing she closed her eyes. Great bloody new years this is she thought frowning. Before long, she dozed off, no thoughts of any disappointments. Nothing but dreamless sleep surrounded her.

That all disappeared the moment she was being shaken. Jumping up she looked up groggily to see Mycroft with her coat on his hand and a look of curiosity on his face. Before she could say anything, she threw her coat on her and she cried out in surprise. Huffing she looked up to see him almost smile.

"Come on, you're gonna make us late" he said.

She was going to ask more questions, but he was already walking out. She immediately followed after, not even caring where they were going. She had seen the clock 11:50pm. Rushing to put her boots, and her coat she was stomping her way towards him. But he was already going up the stairs. With a laugh, she followed after.

The roof. Their old spot. Long ago it used to be their play house, when they were younger. Before he got too old to play, they would play pirates on the roofs and watch the sunset. On New Years, their parents would always host a party, and they would always escape, and head up to watch the fireworks.

She let out a shaky laugh and looked at him with a small smile. He always did something, despite everything and her resentment that their parents created in her, he was still Myce and she was Tessie. Sitting down, she smiled as he grimaced the cold snow, but they sat side by side.

Soon she heard that from the mansion, the elves were playing the old song. Their Grandfather would always play this song, the only times that she saw warmth in the house came from the oldest generation.




Before long the fireworks began and her eyes glowed with happiness. As the fireworks began to ignite, she leaned her head on Myce's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her pulling her close. She loved him, and at the end of the day, Myce always came true. She never knew when, or how, but he rarely disappointed her.

Tess sat in front of the lake usually like she always did on her spot. Only something had changed; she wasn't staring at the water, she was connecting towards the moon. Her legs were knee deep in water, and she let the small waves hit her feet in a fluid pattern. This spot was for her meditation, her spot of freedom, of expression, where she wouldn't be judged if she cried during her moment of release. She chilled her heart slowly through the days, always letting herself not get phased by the things around her.
But slowly her heart had clenched as she thought of what she kept in.

First was the idea of actually feeling for another person. She had let her walls down for two people in a short time this year. The first time she did this had been for Rhian; who had turned out to be one of her best choices. Rhian was a stronger person than she ever was, she was always level headed, always there for her and give her a perspective into something when Tess wasn't sure of what to do. She had become her "person" the person she went to, and the person who she really risked her life for. Now she was her sister of sorts, they lived together, and Tess was trying to make her friend heal. A loss of a family member wasn't something she was used to, but she would try. That was not a regret she had.

A regret did she have was that one person she never expected to care for. Benjamin Watson. Their first meeting was when she was doing the usual thing: reading. She had been engrossed in a book of Merlin's adventures when he had scared her. He was so intimidating then, something that had made her shy away but he had enraptured her, like a moth to a flame she let herself break a bit. From then on he had tugged her emotions back and forth. She had tried to be one for friendship and had tried to help him when he had shaken himself up when he'd gotten his abilities. Fire. An element she feared for than anything.

Fire for her meant destruction, overheating, and anger. It frightened her, it made her think of death, and the bright light had shied her away from him. He had scared her, he always scared her. By invading her personal space, but asking her to jump, by letting out his anger on her. He treated her emotions like a game before. It was like a game, she was the yoyo and he pulled her string when needed. She was sick of it, and despite how much she said she didn't need him or want him she was lying to him and herself. Perhaps she did feel something for the fire controlling Ben. He was so different from her, and she found herself finding him to be handsome, magnetic, and he broke her down more than anyone had ever had.

The kiss had been something unexpected in it. She was shaking, she was panicking over the invasion of space. But once their lips had connected it had shaken her up. Both were shivering over the water they had jumped in, both had taken down some walls and both felt something there. He had called her the key to his escape, and she had been shocked. She cared for him, she wouldn't say that L-word, simply because she'd never heard it from someone that wasn't her family, and she'd never utter because that was the end. The moment that she would utter those words she would be trapped and she would be crushed.

But at the end of the day she couldn't ever say that word to him. The "L-word" would never be said to her by him. Why? Simply because she wasn't his fiancée. Eris Adler was the person that she envied in so many ways. She was beautiful for one thing, her big blue eyes were so calculative, just as Ben's were. She was tall and had dark hair and damn it she looked gorgeous alongside Ben. They already were an intimating couple by just staring with one another. And she wasn't just beautiful but a real Slytherin.

It just wasn't fair. It angered her, it hurt her, and she wondered if she just didn't deserve to be in another house. Josh had been right; she needed some self respect, she needed to just stick up for herself. To not be such a pushover and to stand up for herself and demand that respect she knew she deserved. She was good when it came to academics, but when it came to people, that was a whole different thing.

Looking down at the water, she sighed. The moonbeams hit the Black Lake and it reflected beautifully. She looked down and wiggled her toes in the water. She found water to always be so interesting. It gave her a calming effect and how it flowed to beautifully was art. Looking around, she got up and took off her cloak and her shoes. She didn't have a bathing suit, but she didn't care. She jumped in and closed her eyes automatically as she fell in.

The water was surrounding her completely and until the bubbles were gone she opened her eyes. It would be usually so dark but the full moon was shining so brightly that it gave her a sense of her surroundings. She moved her hands around feeling the water flowing through the separation of her fingers. She blew out some bubbles and smiled. Her hair was floating upwards because of buoyancy and she dove in deeper into the lake. She knew at this time the squid would be sleeping. Closing her eyes she spun around under water and played around like a child should her age. It was until she needed to breathe that she rose up to the surface. She floated up and laid there looking up to the moon and sighed. It would be hell walking home with soaking wet clothing but at the moment she couldn't help but be bothered.

Tess decided to take advantage of being alone in the estate. Rhian was sleeping, or whatever she did in her newly established room, and Mycroft was working in the office, basically meaning he wasn't leaving that room. Walking down the stairs, she was completely barefoot, her shoes in her right hand as she held to the banister on her left. She hissed once she realized that that candles began to magically turn on, and she murmured a spell to let it to disappear.

Once the darkness hit the living room once more, she tiptoed towards the glass door leading towards the garden. Looking back, she felt it safe for her to push the door open leading towards the garden. She closed the door behind her and placed the boots on the floor, then slipped them on before heading towards her favorite place.

The night had brought a light fog over everything and she felt it fitting for her current mood. Moving down the path, she pulled the coat closer to her and buttoned it down as she walked. Once she found where she was looking for, she strayed from the path towards the lake on the estate. When she was younger she would prefer to be surrounded by the special spot that she had. She walked down and sighed seeing the small smooth rock she would always sit on. Sitting down, she looked at her surroundings. The fog had surrounded the full moon lovingly, like a coat over the bright yellow moon. And the lake had a small feel of mist, wetting the parts of her exposed. What she liked to see were the fireflies flying over the lake creating tiny beautiful lights.

She huddled closer and wrapped her arms around her knees, placing head over it happily. Every year she would always try to find a time to sneak out, and cry over her miseries, or rant out her anger. But this year she had nothing to scream about, nothing to rage about, because she had done enough, now she simply wanted to let out what she was holding in since the school year ended. She was tired of faking smiles, faking cheer, having to pretend everything is find for her friend. But in reality nothing was right.

Heartbreak never felt as real as it did when she realized Ben would no longer take part of her life. It seemed silly at first, when she heard girls crying over guys because they had done them wrong. But now she felt like she was taking back her words. She had thought that crying was more than done when she had walked away but that wasn't true.

But it had been a small portion to how had it affected her. Her ego had hit a blow when she had been hurt by him. He had chosen a beautiful brunette, who was taller, older, and far more appealing than Tess ever felt. If she could choose who to be, how to look like it would probably be the confident and true Slytherin, Eris Adler. She closed her eyes thinking about it as they began to sting.  She had no chance at going ahead with Ben, because no matter how his words had made her feel at the moment he'd say them it meant nothing when she was along with her consciousness. His words went over her head. I will never stop caring for you, Tess. No matter what happens.They can take everything from me, and they will, but my heart is yours. She had wanted to believe him but she knew that it wasn't true.

She didn't need to go to a therapist to know she had an inferiority complex. It was self-diagnosed after she'd read a book of her symptoms. She remembered it had been her second year when she'd realized that something was off with her, something was wrong, and she'd read to figure out she was weird. No one liked weird, no matter how much they said the opposite. She had done her best to try and fit to what was expected of her. She took care of her looks always hiding her imperfections on the inside. But as always there was someone better. Her boring brown eyes were nothing compared to Eris' blue. That glint in her eyes was much dimmers than in Adler's.

She hadn't brought a challenge to him, she bet that he liked challenges. And she wasn't one at all. So when he had let her go, she felt a bit lost, so lost that she preferred to run. She had run away, frightened of breaking down in front of him. She had seen some of his longing when she left, but then again, she desperately wanted to believe that.


She had to admit that she had  been surprised that he hadn't fought against her. He hadn't wanted to fight for them to stay together, and rather he wanted her to let go of him. She looked down and took in a shaky sigh at the thought. She was being a hypocrite; because of all the things she had said. She wanted to hurt him, she hated him and she just felt like it had been her fault. She knew that she needed to leave, even if he didn't fight enough, she had to fight for herself. She needed to grow strong and Josh was helping her with that, without hurting her, at least not often. But Ben had stung her deeper than she ever expected. As she walked away she muttered to herself she'd grow to be better.

That was the day she learned that she had a heart, and a heart on her sleeve at that. And when he'd uttered the words of him kissing someone that wasn't her. He had stolen her first kiss, and while she was scared he had given her the amount of warmth that she'd never felt before. She liked it, despite all the contact they had to do to get that warmth. She was so oblivious that she couldn't help but ask questions like 'Did the happy warmth come with contact with anyone?' because if it did, she wanted to move on. She hoped to feel that again.

That L-word would never be on the table, that was what she decided. She wasn't capable of it, she didn't think she was healthy enough to do it, and if she ever thought she could, she thought she'd break over the pressure handed to her. You can't fix what's been broken, and she was broken since she was deemed a Holmes, a female Holmes. She closed her eyes tightly and sniffled. She was stronger than this and she would not start crying. She didn't need it, she didn't believe in it, and it was not for her. There were many things she could do, and things that she couldn't and the faster she accepted it the easier it'd be.


She needed to fix herself. No longer be weak, no longer be so awkward, to accept what she had and ignore her shortcomings. As Josh had told her, he deemed himself to be the best damn Quidditch player ever, but he was only good as a Beater. her lip twitched at the thought. So she was the strongest girl she could be and would no longer crack under the pressure. She needed some self-respect and she knew it.

So now in front of her little haven she would make a promise to herself to be the toughest girl she could be. She'd keep her friends close and protect them like she always would, only more vicious if necessary. Her eyes would harden, her posture would straighten, and she'd no longer take crap from people. This summer she'd work on her skills at Quidditch, she'd try to fix Rhian and make her genuinely smile, and she'd try to work on her insecurities.

She sighed and slid forward taking off her boots to dip her legs in the water. It was so cold, so very very cold, but it was comfort. The fog was growing heavier and she laid back. The moonlight was dimming and clouds were beginning to form. She knew she needed to head back, her thinking had done her some good; explored her insecurities her fears and her motivators. She even took pride at the fact she didn't cry. That was an accomplishment within itself.

Time passed; and she moved her legs back and forth slowly in the water. She let her thoughts float around, and they shifted from emotional pain, to how she needed to physically get better, stronger and everything that could get better. She had no knowledge of time at the moment, but no one was waiting for her anyways. It was funny how everyone had their own shit to deal with. Everyone was selfish, that was clear, and she needed to be the same.

It was only until the drizzle of rain began touch her skin was when she noticed of the change of weather. The mist had grown stronger and she knew she needed to leave. She got up and grabbed her boots, she was already wet so she simply grabbed them and ran out. Her coat was blowing by the wind and she ran back home. She avoided the gravel path and instead ran through the grass. Reaching the glass door she unlocked it and sneaked in.

Water droplets made a trail towards her room, but she knew the elves would have her back. Throwing her boots across the room, and jumped in the shower. It warmed her body and brought her back to life, well as alive as she could be. With a change of clothing to her pajamas she jumped into bed. She no longer shivered, but while her body was warm, her heart was cold. And she'd learn to live with that.

It was beginning to become the worse summer of her life. Mycroft was in the midst of doing business in the states, and he'd offered to take her, but before she could have said yes, her mother had stomped on that idea. Her mother had said that she was going to have some 'girl' time. Tess knew that meant bad news for her. Mycroft looked apologetic, especially when he asked Rhian and she had said yes, knowing that from the stories that she'd heard from Tess it was best to avoid Madame Holmes.

The first morning, she was woken up by a meek house elf asking her to wake up for her mother requested her for an outing. She had crawled out of bed and changed into her usual clothing. It was until she walked down the stairs did she realize something was off. For one thing her mother had a wide smile on her face, and she was wearing her Sunday best, meaning they had company. The moment that she reached the bottom of the stairs, her mother walked towards her and placed a hand on her cheek staring at her. She lifted her chin, and turned her one way, then the other studying her. Tess simply waited for it to be over before her mother sighed and grabbed her hand.

"Come along Tess Marie, we have a lot to do" she said. "You are starting to grow into your looks and I'll be damned if you are overshadowed by someone"

She bit back a groan knowing that her mother was plotting for marriage already. She decided to blame it on her cousin Elisabeth. Her young marriage had sparked interest in Tess' mother, so much so that she was dragging her to the personal dressmaker.

"Mother I'm perfectly fine, there's no need to-are those my clothes?!"She screeched in surprise.

Evangeline looked passive seeing the clothes being thrown into a pile, as if they were old rags. But that was not the case, at least not in Tess' eyes. She loved her clothes, they were comfortable and made her feel cosy and warm. In her mother's eyes, they hid potential, and stopped her from digging her claws into a good husband from a good family.

"Don't you even think of it Tess Marie, your clothing is atrocious, all old, out of style, you are a lady, and I would hate to think that they would even think that we aren't caring for you"

She bit her tongue, knowing it was not the time to reply to her mother. It wasn't as if she was there before, why now of all times to start caring about her appearance? She shook her head knowing it was never good news when her mother had an idea in her mind. She was cunning, cold and always got her way.

"On the pedestal now, and do hurry, remove those atrocious clothing as well"

Stepping on the pedestal, Tess removed her dress, leaving her in her tank top and underwear. She shivered as she felt her mother's cold brown eyes staring at her. It was so funny how she got her mother's eyes, but they were at different parts of the spectrum. Her mother was everything Tess ever hoped to be, but would never achieve.

Her mother walked around her staring at her in different angles, and once the stylist appeared she now had two different people studying her and picking out her insecurities.

"Her height she should be taller I know, but can you work with her faults?"

"I know her skin is too pale, almost sickly but a few brushes of makeup will fix it."

"Her chest, always hiding behind her clothing, Tess you should know that it can be a good attribute"

If Tess ever questioned her looks, she never did more than now. Her mother prodded her with a stick on her back, making her posture straighter and stretched her arms out as they used a measuring tape around her waist, then her bust, then her hips making sure everything fit.

It was horrifying, especially when her mother took down notes, and bought new underclothing in every way. She felt out of her element, and especially with her mother taking over it. She had to realize that now she was indeed older, and if her mother had anything to say about anything was her clothing. She figured at at the end of the day, it wouldn't matter what she wore she would be herself. So she forced herself to bear with the pain of her tugging and pulling her around, her hair from going up in a do, to down, her cut, to lengthened. At the end of the day, she found herself. After a grueling day, she realized that this would be a painful new year, one that was all about avoiding any men looking for her hand in marriage. All through the change of wardrobe her mother would talk about what was to come.

"Oh Honey imagine, with all of these, lines will be formed outside our door!"

She winced, not being used to her having loving words from her mothers, like pet names. It was unusual, and she didn't like it one bit. She lowered her gaze and nodded knowing that was better than saying anything. It was horrible how much disgust she felt over one little word. She was repulsed by the words, honey, love, darling, sweetie, all meant nothing. It was out of her own interests that she called Tess by those words and that bothered Tess more than she'd ever admit.

And at that very night, she was taken out to dinner. Her parents chatted casually trying to excite her and that was the very first moment that she felt like something was off. She was quiet, simply nodding or agreeing to whatever they said until they reached the restaurant and she realized it was a ploy. Before her was a family, she had no idea who they were, but what was clear that she was meant to be talking to he blond boy before her. The Lenoire family were old  associates of her parents in their younger years and colleagues with her father.

As the dinner started it seemed that she was the only one not wanting to be there. The boy's name was Damien and he seemed much more excited about the prospect than she was. She played around with her meal, not really having an appetite. She was frustrated at the fact that they had seated themselves separately and let the pair to eat alone, to enjoy themselves and get to know one another. But Tess was in no way taking part of this, especially as he blabbered on trying to impress her with things that she didn't give a damn about.

"When we get married, I figured we could live in Southern France, you know with my family, I mean it'd be better for our family" he blathered on.

It was at that very moment that Tess grew tired of his stupidity. Leaning forward, she took some pleasure of Damien's eyes widening and a flush beginning to form on his face. His eyes weren't quite focused on her eyes or else he'd see the anger on her face. Their families were too entertained by one another to even notice. She got inches from his face, and his lips parted, it was clear she wasn't expecting it.

"If you ever think I'll end up married with you, you're stupider than you look" she hissed.

His eyes moved from his original sight to her face that showed furious anger. The little shite was a coward and no where near who she could ever see herself ending up with. The night ended up with him trying not to look frightened and her smirk clear on her face.

The next morning her parents casually talked about marriage and she once again ignored them, neither party minded at all. It was as if they didn't even need her opinion or even her in the room. It was until they started talking about her coming of age that began to anger her all the more.

"Father I have a question," she asked with a soft voice, "Why is it that you invest so much in my marriage when Mycroft isn't even married himself?"

It was clearly the wrong thing to say. Because his cold blue eyes sharpened and stared her down, so much so that she froze in fear. Her fork fell on the plate and her hands went demurely on her lap and her head lowered letting her hair cover her expression. She was so stupid, to even talking aloud, for even breaking the little piece they had. She winced feeling the chair being pushed back and steps coming her way. She felt tears beginning to well up, especially as she felt a tug on his hair.

She knew crying out didn't matter and so when she was thrown to the ground, she closed her eyes tightly and cried. Silently her tears slid down her face and she curled herself up, feeling her cheek sting after a blow came her way. It had been a while since she'd been hit by him, and this time she knew it was her fault. She heard lighter footsteps and she blearily saw her mother place a hand on her father's  shoulder.

"Not on her face darling, she needs to look well" her mother cooed at her husband.

"She's just so stupid, so very stupid, a waste of space, I can't wait to get her out of our house. You useless child!" her father barked.

She closed her eyes and curled up, her hand sliding up on her cheek as she felt tears coming at a faster rate. It was one thing thinking that she was unwanted, but a totally different thing hearing it. It was only till both of them left, that she sobbed softly. She wanted Mycroft there to hold her and make her better.

It was until a small house elf and her nanny came and helped her up, taking her to her room and cleaning her cut on her lip, fixing it with a bit of magic making it a bit swollen rather than a gash. She closed her eyes and sniffled as they made her feel better.

"Missy" the elf cooed, "[i]Missus and Master Holmes will be leaving tonight"

She nodded glad they were leaving. She felt her tears sliding down her cheeks as they left her alone. Her sleep that night was an uncomfortable one. In the morning, she woke up later than usual, the sun was high in the sky, symbolizing that it was around noon-ish if not later.

The whole day she spend in her room, not wanting to see the sunlight, nor the looks of pity from the staff. She didn't even accept any meals no matter how much the elves pleaded. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to just disappear.

It was until the night fell that she found herself at the window. It was  chilly the night was cool, and she found herself to be absolutely alone. It was for the best, because now it was time to just let out her pain. Picking up her violin she closed her eyes and began to move the bow back and forth, and as she played her music her eyes teared up. It was only then that the whole house heard of her mourning. Her mourning her liberty, her mourning her parent's neglect, and her being absolutely alone. Many of the servants there sent pitying looks towards the west wing where she played. It echoed so hauntingly, clear sadness and mourning on every note. Some wiped their eyes, and the elves cried for their young mistress. It was later in the night that the music ended, and that signaled the mistress had fallen asleep.

Heart to Heart

Staring at the ceiling she found herself not being able to keep her eyes closed. Classes were tomorrow, but for once in her life she didn't give a damn. The news had pushed away all chances of sleep. She hadn't yet cried, and she doubt that she could at the moment. Even in the darkened room with no one in there but her cat did she feel being watched.

Engagement. The idea of being forced to share her future with Josh Murray was horrifying. It wasn’t that it was necessarily him, but the fact that she had no word in the conversation. The future happiness was closed as a business deal. That hurt her more than anything her parents had ever done. She was scared, and she felt like she had little control.

Josh Murray now had her in his hands, and worst of all he thought he was doing her a favor. She never wanted to be saved, she wanted to do it all on her own. She wanted to be unmarried; she knew she’d have a slim chance at a career by his side. Instead she’d be ask to be a mother, a wife, and shape herself to his wishes. She would be asked to show comfort, commitment, and unconditional love. He would never grow to love her, but it was rare in a marriage to even have that.

He knew that he thought that their engagement would be a long one, and that was fine with her, but she did find it to be a slow death. Today she was caged, and soon she would be like those nightingales. Nightingales were plain looking but yet they were captured for their song. Some would never sing again, mourning at being imprisoned. But some, rarely did they learn to sing again. They would never be able to fly again, to go out towards the beckoning sky. She sighed and wiped a quick tear.

Looking down at Toby, she noticed that even he could not sleep. He was staring at her with sad emerald eyes. He knew how she felt, it was obvious, and she felt bad for keeping him awake. Turning her head to the left, she saw that on her night stand were her pictures. Picking up the ivory frame, she slid her fingers idly in front of the class. Looking back at her was the smiling picture of her and Ben before sharing a kiss. It repeated itself over and over again and she closed her eyes.

She needed to get out. Kicking the covers off, she got up and slipped her slippers on before wrapping her robe around her nightgown. She needed to talk, and knowing how tired Rhian was, she went to the only person who would also be awake. She walked down the stairs easily, being used to the quietness. Walking down the hall, she stopped in front of the imposing door before knocking on it. It took a few moments but soon the door was opened.

Mycroft. He was confused at first but something on her expression might have helped him notice something was wrong that he moved over and let her in. Walking in she sat on her designated chair and waited for him to take a seat across from her. He sat down on the longer sofa and waited for her to tell him in her own time.

“They won” she rasped out.
He froze and looked confused for a moment until everything came together and sadness was clear in his blue eyes. Seeing the pity and the sadness, her eyes filled with tears but she tried to blink them back. He hadn’t seen her cry since the incident with Rhian’s family. Silence took over the pair and it was clear both of them were thinking.

“Who?” he said breaking the silence.

“Joshua Murray” she breathed out.

The last name made them both go back into silence. She looked towards the chimney and her eyes glowed as she stared at the flames. It was only until she heard shuffling on her right that she turned to see what Mycroft was doing. He was closer to her and he patted the cushion beside him signaling that she could sit with him if she wanted. She looked at his eyes, brown met blue and they both looked at the free space. Tentatively she walked over and sat down, slipping off her shoes and curled up.

Slowly, she felt his arms around her as he pulled her towards him. It was tense at first, but as he rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head did she close her eyes and let her tears fall. She gripped his top and put her head on his shoulder as he wiped her tears. They hadn’t been like this in a long time, not since she was seven and her parents had yelled at her for something. This was their comfort and she clung to him all the more.

“It’s…not…fair” she managed to let out as she sobbed.

“I know…I’m so sorry” he whispered into her ear.

She sobbed let out silent tears. She wanted to tell him everything, how she didn’t love Josh, she had someone in her heart, someone that cared for her as well. She wanted to tell him that she felt happy, if only for a moment, and that this had ruined everything.

“W-why are you always the lucky one?!” she rasped out angrily. “You weren’t trap, why me?”

He didn’t say a word, instead pulled her closet and tightened his grip on her. She was shaking but she didn’t push him away. She gripped him tightly and clung to him as he tried to calm her down. His voice was soothing and soon she stopped shaking.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

“Make it all go away” she whispered.

Mycroft frowned.
“You know I can’t do that, but if I could I would pull you any star in the world to make you happy. I’d give you the world.”

“But you can’t”

“But I can’t” he repeated sadly. “I can only look over you and make sure that it’s clear that you are vital to his life”

She simply held him close and closed her eyes. He rubbed her back and he murmured softly words of love and support. If only the world knew that he was a good man, a great one too. Time passed by and his voice made her calm down. Soon her eyes fluttered shut and she slept in her brother’s arms.

Mycroft picked her up and walked over to his room to place her on his bed. Throwing a cover over her, he walked back to the living room. He sat down on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair and felt a pain for her. He covered his face and wished he could just take her away from this unhappiness. She was right, it wasn’t fair, what he would give to save her. He stretched out on the couch, and it was his turn to not have a wink of sleep.

In the morning, Tess woke up and sneaked out of his room as Mycroft sprawled out on the couch snoring softly. She murmured a thank you and gave him a kiss on the forehead before closing the door. She took the trip back to her room and closed the door behind her. Rubbing her neck she knew she had to get ready for the start of her new life. One where she had her hands tied.

It was long after curfew and with bare feet and a cloak around her shoulders she walked down the girl's dormitory. Everyone was either off sleeping or hanging around in their room doing Merlin knows what. She didn't care. She needed to get out of the room and have some time to think. She didn't dare slip on her shoes until she reached outside where they wouldn't make too much of a noise.

The wall closed behind her and she walked down the dungeon quietly. It was until she passed Mycroft's office that she slipped on her slippers. As she walked down the hall her eyes and ears were trying to catch everything. She ignored the portraits that looked disapprovingly but said nothing as she passed by. She had the hood cover her face and her head low, following the shadows and avoiding the light that came form the dimmed flames and the moonlight.

She had her sights on one of two places: the Astronomy Tower or the Black Lake. She wanted to go so badly up the stairs but she knew the trip would be longer and it would be easier to get caught. Also it had bad memories, ones that brought a bad taste in her mouth.

'Screw it' she thought.

She turned left and headed towards the grounds. Last time she tried to swim she was interrupted by Natalie who had nitpicked her about getting sick or something trivial as that. She walked down the normal path, not even caring at the sounds coming from the Forbidden Forest. She was determined to get there, it was easier to reach and it always was a place for happy moments. She had met Rhian there. Her lips twitched.

The small path soon reached the clearing and she smiled seeing the lake. It glowed so beautifully, especially as the moon shined down. She took off her shoes and her cloak and looked around. No one, and that was perfectly fine with her. She slipped her jumper over her head and threw it to the side, next came her bottoms that were tooo thrown aside. Letting her hair down, she knew that if she could get caught it'd be an embarrassment to both parties but she didn't seem to care at the moment.

The light hit her skin and she dipped her feet in the water letting her body get used to the temperature. It was a bit cold, but not allowing herself to over think she walked right into the water. Once she was in up to her shoulders she sank down letting her hair get wet. She swam into the deeper area, not worrying over the creatures that lived below. Interesting enough she'd learned early on they never bothered her. Diving under she squinted trying to see what into the dark water but nothing was too clear.

Nothing was seen on the lake for a few minutes, until a few bubbles were created and Tess rose up, throwing her hair back. It was peaceful, it was wonderful and at last she got a bit of freedom. She hated to admit it, but she now knew why people broke the rules. It was thrilling feeling. She floated her body up, the only thing that she wore was the necklace that she was asked to wear. She made lazy circles, and she let her mind wander off.

The silence, that she wanted so much, was now becoming a bother. It made her want to break the silence, to make her just stop having to think about what was going on. She wanted some denial, something that kept her mood up.


A month ago all her dreams and hopes were shattered with her finding out she belonged to someone now, and not by choice. She lifted her hand from the water and touched the necklace lightly. It was horrible at first, and it had shattered her heart, but it never compared to what Ben had done to her. He had shown her that she was a selfish witch, she wasted his time, she was never worthy of him.

It was sick, the moment she realized that he probably felt deeper feelings that she ever did. 'that seems impossible' her conscious told her. But the fact that he considered her...to be with forever, that meant that he was far ahead than she was. She was so stupid, so heartless for doing that to him, she felt absolutely terrible.

The thought of even asking him to keep it from Josh seemed like a stupid idea now. Why would he? She didn't want to do that to Eris and why would he? And Josh, she closed her eyes and let her body float aimlessly through the lake.

Josh was the new variable that she wasn't expecting. He was always her friend, at least in her mind. He had taken her under his wing, taught her about confidence, she felt comfortable around him and she found him funny for being so uptight. All those qualities had shifted in axis since the date last weekend. That had shocked her. For one thing he had been sweet, and he tried hard to keep her happy. She appreciated that so much. He had let her finally express some happiness and gave her hope everything would work out well.

The necklace had been a sweet gesture. She preferred it over him giving her a ring any day. It was simple and lovely and she genuinely hadn't taken it off. She felt guilty if she did. She toyed with it subconsciously as she thought about what it signified. Everything had been so great, the handholding, the sharing of food, him telling her about him and even laughing with her. She smiled at the thought .

But the kiss. She blushed at the thought. That was something she wasn't expecting. It had been so gentle, like a gentle caress and he had done it so softly that something in her that it forced her to tense up and her breath to hitch. It was not unpleasant but it messed her up. That night she hadn't slept instead had turned over a photo of Ben feeling guilty. She didn't have the courage to put them away. No one would know.

Oh but Ben. Sweet, handsome, lovely Ben. He always kept pulling her back without even knowing it. The way he caressed plants, the way he would show his intellect in class. The way he stared at her, whether they were with a warm expression or a cold one, he was so gorgeous in them. It took her breath away. She forced herself to be loyal to Josh, because it was out of respect and to hurt her friend...it would be wrong.

Ben wasn't a chapter in her life, at least not at this very moment. He was a big staple in her life, in the past year and a half. She wanted him so badly. But he had to become a memory, and nothing more. She could no longer cry, because crying meant that she hadn't gotten over the pain. She had to move on, even if she was in denial at how sad it hurt her, she didn't care. Crying was for the weak.

The most sickening part was that he was probably already moving on. She had seen Eris, and she looked as gorgeous as ever, even in her normal uniform. It was unfair how she carried herself. Herbology had shown her that she was more than looks she had brains. And when it had ended she had seen Eris follow Ben, and she could only let her imagination wander into the possibilities of what could happen.


The most sickening part, the part that angered her for being so stupid was that if he ever wanted her back, she didn't know if she could say no. She dove under not wanting to deal with it but it was clear. Not even the cold water could tell her that it was alright. If he held her, told her that he wanted them to leave everything she would in one heartbeat. It was sickening because of the responsibility she would drop. But she would. She would be that selfish and that made her feel so guilty.

She needed to stop that. No matter how much she cared for him, she was toxic, she was bad luck and they were obviously not meant for one another. He could go back to Eris or any woman because now he was the one that was free..and she...she would grow to love Josh like he deserved. She was such a bad person.

The need for air was what brought her back to the surface. She wiped the droplets on her face and floated. But soon she realized those droplets weren't from the lake. What had once been a beautiful night was now heavy rainfall. She slid down into the water and looked up at the moon, now covered by the clouds as the downpour began. Oh that wasn't good. She dove under and figured it was time to go home.

She swam the closest she could and soon reached where it was shallow enough where she could walk out. She shivered and tried to put whatever clothes she could. The jumper stuck to her skin, and she slipped her pants as best she could but was stumbling. She grunted and she knew it was pointless ,especially as the water hitting her all over. But she couldn't just walked back to the castle naked. Shaking her head and muttering at how stupid she was. she put the cloak over her.

She ran barefoot to the castle, her shoes already too wet to even try on. She slid a few times but as she hit the paved halls, she walked towards the shadows once more, despite her finding it stupid. No one was around, she'd spent two hours there and now the light was dimming in the castle. The portraits didn't care they were dozing off, and she was leaving a trail of water behind her.

Finally reaching the dungeon, she nearly slipped but grabbed onto the rails tightly. Taking off her cloak she bunched it up with her shoes and walked in front of the wall. She murmured the password and entered towards the common room. The moment the wall closed behind her the flame began to roar and she sighed in relief. The lake looked dark from the glass windows, the light had disappeared from the rain. But rain was good.

'Rain means a new beginning' she thought to herself.

Climbing up the stairs she walked towards the shower and threw her clothes in the sink. No girls were there wanting to even share it so she didn't care. She grabbed towels and began to dry herself, not even bothering to take a warm shower. She was tired, and she needed some sort of sleep before she had to go out there again and play the part she had come to accept. She pushed Toby to his side as she climbed back into bed. The gas lamp immediately dimmed and she closed her eyes, her body too tired to protest the idea of sleep. Soon she was out, in dead sleep. Finally getting the silence she had asked for and never got.

There were empty hallways, all the candles were dim, and while the house seemed to be dead, what showed signs of life was a noise coming from the biggest room in the house.  Slow soothing notes flowed from the room, and despite it’s beautiful composition, sadness was clearly felt for anyone who bothered to pay attention to it’s true meaning. In the center of the room sat Tess; her posture straight against the chair, her arm straight out, holding the string instrument firmly at hand. Her left hand held the bow that ran across each string to create the symphony.

Her hair was up in a bun, all her hair away from her face, her eyes were closed, her ears still sharp, aware of her surroundings. But all that mattered at the moment for her, were the notes. There was when she let out her pain, it had started as a happy melody, as she thought about Ben. The notes were light and flowed with the lightness that only a happy heart could bring out. Soon her thoughts flittered through the lies, the guilt and the sins that she had done for the joy of a few moments. Her breathing hitched and her hands gripped the scroll tighter on the violin. Her hands were paler as all the blood was prevented from passing through. The notes were somber, proof that despite her bright outlook when around Ben, she knew quite well that not all was good, and reality had to hit sometime.

“Will you stop with that infernal racket? You know your father isn’t here, no need to play that useless toy” she heard a voice say.

The last note grew sharp and Tess’ eyes flew open quite fast as she saw her mother. The tall lithe woman stared right at the younger girl. Evangeline Holmes was the epitome of grace, her light brown hair caressed her shoulder in waves and her skin lightly tanned, tight and looked youthful for her age.  Her figured, her posture showed power, and with each step she took towards her daughter, each one was calculative.

“Mother” Tess said softly as a greeting.

She turned to her side; she opened the case and placed her violin softly. She heard her mother coming forward her steps quicker, but she was foolish enough to not think much about it. The moment that she placed them down and closed her case, did she feel cold long fingers on her face. Her face was forcefully turned and she came face to face with cold hazel eyes. Her mother stared at her face, the nails digging into her cheeks. Tess never once winced but her fear was clear in her eyes. Her mother never once attempted to hurt her before, but now, now she wondered if she feared her mother more than she ever did her father.

“Mother what’s-”

“Tess Marie,  how can you concentrate about that stupid toy when there are other more important things”

Tess never once interrupted, knowing her mother was thinking. Evangeline was beautiful,  and Tess regretted ever thinking her mother was just a trophy wife.  Sherringford  had chosen her for a  reason; and as they searched into her’s she knew that her mother was probably smarter than her father.

“Mother I’m sorry I-”

“Do you now who we survive in this world?! We’re always seens as pawns Tess Marie, we’re always seen as the quiet shiny trophy, in reality, you have to come into control” she hissed inches away from her daughter’s face. “Now, I know people your age are love this, love that, that’s bullshit”

She couldn’t help but feel her tears rising up at her mother’s bitter and ice-cold voice hit her face. No matter how the word stung, she coulnd’t help but listen. Evangeline’s eyes were ferocious.

“The faster you get rid of those stupid thoughts from your pretty little head my love” Evangeline purred, tugging on the band that held Tess’ hair in place. “The faster you succeed and win this game” Tess winced as she felt her hair tugged down her shoulders, as her mother curled a strand between her fingers. “because my baby, a marriage, a union, is a game”

Silence ensued. Tess’ eyes firmly closed as she felt her mother play with her hair. It seemed like a game of hers, the way her words cut deep, but her movements were light, almost as if she always gave her such nurturing touches. Her mother had played the stupid role for as long as she could remember; she stupidly thought her mother only knew about the vice of shopping, and did whatever her father asked of her. It was clear that was not the case.

“Darling” her mother purred, “have you been showing your sweet fiancé how beneficial it is to have you as his? Does he know the benefits of having you?”

Tess shook her head; no he didn’t. She didn’t even find some benefits that he even got from her. They never told anyone, not that it mattered because neither had interests in touching one another. That was not the right answer, she soon realized as her mother’s grip tightened.

“Then you aren’t doing your job!” Evangeline roared. “You are a Holmes, Holmes my blood, but never once forget that you are also a Devita. And let me tell you a real Devita woman, never is ignored. They are the ones in their husband’s right hand, and in his mind. If he’s not willing to give it voluntarily, then you claw your way in” she growled out. “If you actually play your cards right…oh honey you can have the world at your finger tips…just so you can crush it”

Tess’ breath hitched in surprise of her words; so dark.  Her mother slid her nail down her cheek, her eyes right on hers, and their breathing were now in synch.

“We as women, have a gift…we bring life” Evangeline’s hand slid towards her stomach. “and we can also bring death for those in our way with just batting your eyelashes. Use your assets, use your brain, oh honey that brain of yours is there, but use it for something more than a book, or a symphony”

Evangeline’s hands moved towards Tess’ and caressed the tips of her fingers.

“Your hands can control more than just the violin…it can bring a man to his knees, and it can it can make his vocabulary be only your name with just one...” her hands closed over hers “grip.” Enunciating the ‘P’ clearly. “And in time, you can use your …talents, by withholding them completely. If you do it well enough he won’t need anyone else, do you understand Tess Marie”

Tess lowered her gaze, cheek enflamed in shame that she as most definitely wrong. She never once thought about it that way, she never once saw a benefit in what this brought to her, and she thought that perhaps she never would.  A hand slid up her cheek and lifted her chin back up to make her gaze.

“Tell me darling, the way you are treated now…do you want to keep it that way? To be treated like that with years to come? Let me guess, that little boy concentrates more with what’s going on between his legs, than what’s going on between the two.”

“No mother, but-there’s nothing, neither of us-we don’t…I can’t-I don’t know how…mother I can’t. I’m sorry but-”

A slap echoed in the room and Tess’ cheek never felt hotter. Shame came, not from being hit, but for being a failure in her mother's eyes. Her cheek was throbbing, and she had tears rising.

“No, no tears!” she hissed wiping her daughter’s cheeks, “You won’t fail me, I know it, do you understand? You have something special Tess; did you know that? You’re my favorite child…do you know why?”

Tess shook her head not really believing it.

“Because, at the end of the day, if you play your cards right, you end up ruling the household. And you sweetie, with those big doe eyes, and the sweetness in your expression, have something I wish I did when I was your age..” another caress. “a mask. A mask to hide behind; a mask you can use, and take control of the situation. Innocence is the true gift…and you keep it as long as you can”

She felt her mother’s lips on her forehead.

“You know I love you right baby?” she heard her mother murmur against her forehead.

“Yes mother”

“Are you going to say it back?”

“I love you mother”

“I know you do darling, I know you do. Now…no more playing the toy, and play human beings, you find that hobby to be much more worthy of your time.”

As soon as she finished saying that, it was as if nothing happened.

“I’m going shopping, see you later, oh, and if I don’t...remember our little conversation and take it back to the castle. Would hate for all of this to be a waste”

Heels clicking in a steady pattern, hips swaying side to side, caramel colored strands of hair following the same sway, and then a turn. A wide smirk slowly stretched on the older woman’s face and then, a kiss blown towards her direction.

“Love you, have fun, and don’t forget to look cute!”

Tess leaned back against her chair and for the first time since their conversation she allowed herself to breathe. Her cheek stung, her breath coming in full, her lungs clinging to every deep breath, wanting to absorb what it had missed during that confrontation. She never expected the Devita family to be so dark. Her grandmother would often times tell her that she was lucky to have her mother; she was the only one that was a true Devita, full of darkness and cunning. Her house was full of snakes, it just had happened that Tess never found her venom. But her mother was leading her to a path she was scared to follow.

Bending down, she opened the case and took out her violin. And once more music flowed, it was shakier, and more mistakes every so often, but overall it showed her thoughts. Shaky; all over the place; a lost but solemn feeling was evident. The elves tried to ignore their little Mistress with a glazed expression. But they continued their work, as if nothing happened. Soon the music stopped, and the only sound left was a steady pace of a person walking. They were lighter than before, but they were tentative, unsure if the person was even allowed to walk in such a way. Minutes later, the candles dimmed out, and the house grew dead once more.

Tess hummed softly as she was going towards the common room. She took advantage of the weekend by taking some time to herself and taking a swim in the lake. Her hair was up in a bun, soft wet curls coming out of the bun, her face devoid of makeup, and she wore a flair out dress. She was glad that many already had gone to Hogsmeade, it meant she had less people to look after in the common room, and she could be selfish.

She murmured the password once she reached the entrance and walked in, taking in the environment around her. It was quiet and empty, just how she liked it. Walking over to the fireplace, she hung her towel there to dry and ran up the stairs, oblivious to the gaze that followed her.  She was glad that she had no roommates this year, and she tugged the hairband letting her hair down and letting it dry on her own. Sitting in front of her mirror she took in the slow process of brushing her hair. She needed to look on point, and she  gave herself a once over before approving her look. She knew that she needed to go downstairs and go on her regular rounds just in case, so she picked up her badge and clipped it on her dress before walking downstairs once more.

On the last steps, Tess got the feeling that she was watched. Looking around, she started from the window onwards towards the fireplace and no one was around. Her mind was obviously playing tricks on her, and she smiled despite herself before walking down the common room.

"You're so skittish like a kitten, it's so cute. Makes me want to just eat you up" a voice purred from across the room.

Tess tensed up and turned around to look towards the window. That was where she usually sat when reading, her head was held high, not wanting to show surprise, but she had shown enough to show her discomfort. The first thing she saw was a pair of blue eyes gleaming like a wolf in a den, then when the figure moved forward, red lips were wide with a malicious smile. She took a few steps back and placed her hands on her hips glaring.

Eris Adler was the bane of her existence; she was a reminder of the trouble that Ben and her had once had. She thought that the girl had done enough where she would take no interest in bothering her any longer. The engagement between the Adler and Watson family was over, and in some naive way, she thought that that meant the end of Adler in her life. She had seen her in class, the cold looks, but never once did she let herself fall for them. They had never interacted except for the ball, and that was when she knew that they could never get along.

Now Eris looked at her with a superior gaze; she wore a blood red dress and her legs were crossed as if she had all the time in the world. Her hair was up in a heavy bun, the front of her hair framing her face, and her makeup impeccable. Tess absolutely hated the way she looked so perfect.

"What do you want Adler?" She hissed.

Tess had no idea where the malice came from in her tone, but it was genuine. She didn't like surprises, especially from a woman that had made her insecure about Ben's relationship with her.

"I just wanted to talk to you darling, you're just so cute from afar, I figured from up close, I could study you. And I have to say, you're so delicate like lace, I could skin you and make you into a pair of beautiful stilettos. You know you'd even be my favorite pair."

She was disgusting and a psychopath that much was clear. Her mouth formed a thin line, and she glared at the older girl in front of her. Eris seemed unfazed, instead she got up and walked closer to her, using her height over the younger girl.

"You're sick you know that right?" Tess replied back, "You are close, you've studied enough, now get away from me before I-"

"Before you want sweetie? Before you take away some points? Before you send me to bed? Before-"

"Before I hex you and show you the proper way to skin someone" Tess snarked back.

Eris raised her eyebrow and it was as if she took glee in the response she brought out of her.

"Ooo kitten has claws, who knew? I see why Benjamin likes you so much, well liked you. And I see why you like him. He's handsome isn't he? He's so smart, and the way he looks at you oh it just brings shivers down your spine right?" she purred tracing her long red nails against Tess' cheek."Oh my toes just curl at the thought of those glares. So deliciously evil right?"

"Stop it" Tess interrupted. "Stop it, what the hell do you want Adler, can't you just leave me alo-"

"And his hands, oh those long hands, let me tell you they aren't just good at playing the piano if you know what I mean" Eris said with a wink.

Tess was holding on to a mantra to ignore her, that she was just a parasite trying to suck out the blood from her. But the moment she started talking about Ben, each word was slowly squeezing her heart tighter and tighter. She spoke about him like she knew Ben, but she didn't. He didn't glare, he gave the soft gazes, he always hugged her closer and murmured sweet words. But the insinuations of his hands, that he was good at other things, she was lying.

"Ben doesn't do that" she said aloud,"he's kind and careful, and always cares about someone's wellbeing. He's not cold, he doesn't glare, he's not evil, he's a great person"

It sounded weak even in her ears, but she was shaken. Why was Adler wasting her time on her, why was she poking at her now? She was free, she could have Ben, is this what she was waiting for?

"Oh sweetie, you don't even know him do you?" Eris asked, pity in her gaze. "Your sweet, Ben is obviously using you? Let me guess, he told you he loves you didn't he?"

She took a step back despite herself, but she bumped into Eris who seemed to be circling her. She felt a slight tug on the end of her wet hair and then she was pressed against the wall without even realizing it. Eris looked gleeful at her discovery and caressed her cheek.

"Didn't he? Tell me Tess sweetie, did he tell you he loved you?" she mocked, her tone as if talking to a baby.

"Stop it" she whispered, "he does love me. You're just bitter that he never said that to you. He never loved you, he used you"

Something in Eris' eyes flashed differently and she leaned closer, making Tess press herself tighter, but something was shining in Tess' eyes.

"You're bitter aren't you, he just used you, because he was forced to. He never chose you, he chose me and you can't get over that"

Eris immediately shot out and grabbed Tess' throat digging her nails lightly as her other hand traced a line from her forehead to her nose, booping it at the end as if she was dealing with a child. She had bit back a taste of bitterness at the tone in Tess' tone, like she was victorious, but that would never be the case.

"Oh he used me sweetie, because I let him" she explained kissing the younger girl's ear lightly,"you know those lips that you like kissing so much...they were kissing me all over, never once did I have to encourage him, he was more than willing"

Tess flinched visibly and that's when Eris knew that she was winning. She just needed to twist the dagger tighter in her chest. She wanted to destroy that innocent gaze from the Holmes ,she wanted to crush her, break her like the porcelain doll she was. She wasn't meant for this world, and she would make sure that she could never get happiness. Benjamin was her toy and she never would let go for the little girl in front of her.

"He even held me afterwords, he held me close, murmured sweet words...called me his little doe" she taunted.

A slap resonated in the empty common room. Eris wasn't expecting the hit, and she had to admit that it stung especially with the girl's nails. She wasn't expecting so much fight in that little girl, but she knew she hit a nerve. Oh she had been watching, a long time, the way that Ben stared at Tess from afar, the way he had murmured something about a doe, and roses in his sleep that night that they had been together. And she had noticed the ankle bracelet that the girl had once worn. It all connected clearly in her head. It was almost cute how good they were at doing it. As she lifted her hand to her cheek she turned to see Tess shaking.

Tess was hugging herself and looking at her with so much loathing, something that neither girl thought that she had it in her. Her bottom lip was shaking; her vision was soon blurring as she felt the tears beginning to rise. Why would Ben do that to her? Didn't he love her? He said it. He wouldn't say it to her if he was lying...right? Her insecurities rose once more, he would use her, she was weak, she was so enraptured by him from the moment she met him. And she remembered that cold gaze the first time she met him. And Eris was a cruel hearted bitch, if she even had a heart, what were the chances of her lying? Big, but...what if she was right? He called her doe? But doe was his pet name for her..

"Oh sweetie" Eris purred and before Tess could protest pulled her into a hug. Tess ended up against the girl's bust because of the height difference and didn't even fight it because her mind was somewhere else. She felt a sharp caress against her cheek and looked up. Eris had the gall to wipe her tears and murmur she was sorry.

"I wanted to tell you the truth sweetie, before you do something stupid." she whispered as if all the malice she had said could disappear. "You are so precious, so beautiful and he had to sink his claws into you, I mean look at you. Even I would take a bite out of you."

"You're lying he wouldn't-" Tess quivered.

"Why not ask him sweetie?" Eris cooed."Think about it, what did he tell you when he spoke about me."

"He hates you" she countered.

But her mind immediately pushed her towards the memory of him admitting that he lusted after the older girl. And why wouldn't he? She was gorgeous and had the power to break her so easily, break anyone. Tess wasn't strong enough, her mother was right.

"Look at me" Eris demanded.

Tess' submissive attitude, made her listen to Eris and she lifted her head to look up. Those big blue eyes fluttered to her and a pitiful smile on her face. The older girl's hand lifted to her cheek and she caressed it in a way that made Tess' skin crawl but she was too tired and confused to pull away.

"Ask him" she whispered,"He won't be able to keep the lie up; not to those big brown eyes. No one could lie to those eyes, not even me"

Before Tess could even think about what was happening, red lips were against hers in the softest brush. She pulled her head back immediately but Eris dug her nails at the back of her head and forced her to wait it out. She struggled but soon it was over; she didn't need to look to see her lips were marred in the red lipstick like the woman in front of her. And Eris grinned widely knowing she had marked her. She almost pitied Tess...almost. But her game was much funner with her losing. It was no fun if everyone won.

"Ask him sweetie, then you will see just how much he cares about you." Eris proposed before letting her go and walking away.

Eris' heels clacked towards the exit and as soon as the portrait closed Tess was left alone. Her arms were around herself, her lips were bruised, and her heart was broken. She trembled, never realizing how cold the common room could be. Her throat was dry and her tears were silently running down her cheeks. Tess never felt so small in her life, and her chest felt hollow. It hurt; and she simply slid down against the wall not being able to move towards her room. She had only a few hours of being alone before everyone else came. But it didn't matter, she didn't care, all the hope she had was nothing now. For at the end of the day, all her sacrifices meant nothing. She no longer had Rhian because she followed her family; she no longer had her brother because she couldn't support his choice. And now Ben, she lost the first person she dared care about, maybe love, and she had shown him a side of her she never dared show, not even to Rhian. She simply lowered her head, brought her legs closer and hugged herself tightly. Tears fell, and soon sobs were coming out, she couldn't even control it and she knew that for this moment, she allowed herself to let go. Just one last time, before control would reign her life once more.

'Keep walking, don't look anywhere but ahead' Tess repeated herself as she walked towards her room. She didn't dare look at the other students as she finally finished her prefect duties and could return to the dungeons. It was safer there, and she needed to reach her room. Climbing up the stairs towards the girl's dormitory she immediately took a left walking to the end of the wing to find her bedroom door. She unlocked it with some trouble, as if someone was chasing her, but she needed to be locked inside. With a struggle, she managed to open it and she immediately closed it behind her. The clicking noise of the lock was a signal that it was time.

She kicked her head back, ignoring the dull pain that came with it coming in contact with the door. She felt like her breathing was a challenge, she felt as if each breath was only slowing down her ability to cry. Her gaze stayed on the ceiling, ignoring the soft meows of her cat trying to gain her attention, it wasn't the time. Her cat had seen this routine for the past week and still would not give up on trying to get her to open up. It was worthless, it didn't matter, she just needed to stop doing this, but it seemed impossible. Her bottom lip wobbled and she let her body slide down to the floor. She swallowed heavily and her hands immediately went to her face to let herself just break.

'It's okay, it's safe' she told herself softly.

It was then that she let herself break. How could she be so stupid? Fairytales never existed, she scoffed at them as a child, and she did it till this day. Then why did she fall so easily fall for Ben, thinking that his sweet disposition that was supposedly just for her  was merely an act. It had been a week and still she found herself locking herself up and crying. Food seemed useless, she didn't need human contact, they only brought pain. She cried for many reasons to be fair. She mourned the loss of her brother and her best friend, who made it more real than anything that she was really alone. She once had her boyfriend who had promised her the stars, making her feel like she was worth loving. But then again hadn't everyone once told her that she was special? And where were they now, now that she was all alone. Tears slid down her cheeks as she just sat there, her prefect pin loose clothing.

Tess had tried to think about it logically, but no matter what angle she tried to reach it brought unspeakable pain to her. Didn't time heal all wounds, or was that cliché just crap being spewed? She figured it was the latter. Every time she attempted to some happiness, something would impede it, she wasn't meant to be happy, not everyone was that lucky. She was a fool and she had been blind, looking back, it seemed impossible for her to see a way to remove those demons around her. She had too many demons to be lovable, tainted, she was tainted and damaged. She wanted to cut out her heart, what was left of it, and crush it to the ground, letting herself heal by no longer feeling. Outside those doors she had a mask of indifference, but the lack of sleeping, the lack of eating was getting to her. Often times, she would try not to doze off during practice, or history class, it all no longer seemed as importance as it once was.

Feeling just made it all worse didn't it? Tess wondered if she could just cut out her heart, at least what was left of it, and start all over. She wanted to remove those memories in her head, of their first kiss, the way he had so carefully touched her lips, that had shaken her to the core, but had woken something in her. Or the way that he looked at her, like she was so precious, why do that to her? She was a damned woman, cursed that her mind wouldn't let go of those wonderfully painful memories. Evidently his words were lies, the echo of his love had stung and brought her pain and anger. Yet he was her- her salvation. He was her salvation, the way he told her that happiness was them, that one day it would be them and nothing could stop them. But he had lied, they all lied didn't they? The dull thudding was painful, but the thing about pain was that it was meant to hurt wasn't it? She was good at feeling that, she was good at being put down, at ever opportunity she gave herself to feel.

Pathetic. That's what she was, especially when she looked at the state of her bedroom. Her bed wasn't made, her clothes on the floor all over the place, the pictures all facing down on her desk, not bothering to even be looked at. She looked down at herself, impeccable, but the armor meant nothing if it didn't protect her from herself. Toxic, anything she touched would hurt her, Rhian had, Mycroft had, and Ben had just broken it down.

Karma, this was karma; she assured herself that for every time she scoffed at a poor forlorn teenager sobbing over their partner, she was paying for it at this very moment. She never realized that love was a double-edged sword; while it brought her an incredible sense of euphoria, it also brought her the most unspeakable pain that made her feel as if she wasn't strong enough to function. It was sickening, if her past self saw this she would slap her back and forth till she could function once more.

'Get up you, you're pathetic' her logical side told her angrily.

With effort, Tess forced herself to walk to cleanse herself off of the day. She threw her clothes along the way as she walked towards the bath, not bothering to even make an effort to clean after herself. As she slid into the showers, she made sure to make the water hot, not too scalding but enough for her skin to turn pink. The pressure from the shower head made a pounding feeling against her back and she closed her eyes succumbing to the pleasure/pain of it all. Moments in the shower, her mind was blank, it was a nice quiet moment she allowed herself to feel before her insecurities took over. She ran her hands down her body, frowning as she felt her abdomen grumble under her hand. She would take care of it later she promised herself (she no longer followed through) and continued to cleanse herself of her long day. Soon, she found herself going to the trance that came with the rhythmic sounds of the water hitting the porcelain tub. Sometimes it would go so long that she could only be broken of those fleeting thoughts as the hot water ran cold. Today was not one of those days. Pulling the glass door open, she let the steam flow through the room. Wrapping a towel around herself she walked towards her bedroom once more. Toby had hid himself under her bed she figured as the room was filled with silence.

'Get used to it' her conscious reminded her.

Tess muttered a curse as she threw her towel over her chair and slipped on a pair of clean clothing. A pair of clean underwear, some shirts and her old Quidditch jersey was enough for her as she crawled on her unmade bed. It seemed that this place really showed what troubles she was going through. She curled into a ball and stretched her arm out to try and reach the curtains, so the December light coming through the lake couldn't reach her. Her hand instead found the picture frames. Lifting them up, she looked to see the picture of Rhian and Tess hugging during Christmas, they looked so happy the way they laughed at Mycroft as he was taking it before hugging. A bittersweet smile appeared on her face and she caressed the frame softly. Those were times where she had been so sure things last forever. Her shoulders sagged and placed it down. She looked at the bigger frame that was faced down and she sighed before picking it up.

Ben and her looked so happy in that picture, that date night seemed so...magical. The way he had planned a picnic, and taken her to the beach despite his aversion. It all seemed like everything was perfect, but then it all went wrong. She wondered what exactly had happened. Hadn't she tried her best to give him her best to give him all she could? Maybe it was that she was too scared to do anything, and Eris. Merlin Eris wasn't scared of anything. He had looked so broken, she remembered how he'd cracked, cried even as they had ended. It had felt good at the time, but she wanted more. She wanted to rip him to shreds, watch her hands turn red to make him feel that stinging pain that she felt inside. Funny how despite how much they had fought so often, whether to stay together, or staying apart, it had taken one action, one night that had caused all of this to end.

Without thinking she flung the picture frame across the room. The loud crashing noise was echoed through her room and Toby had run towards the bathroom to run away from her tirade. She admitted that it had felt so good, the way breaking it showed the anger she felt. Anger was safe, it was much better than pain. He had taken everything from her, her hopes, dreams, and aspirations. He had known her insecurities and he knew secrets that no one else knew. She was a fool. She threw another picture frame across and she found herself in the safest feeling she had felt in a while. Soon the letters he had written asking them to meet up were thrown across the room, next came the other frames of them, pictures of just him, pictures of Rhian, pictures of her family all broken and across the room. She pulled her legs up and something had caught her eye. Funny how she hadn't taken it off. The little doe still shining brightly on her ankle reminded her of how foolish she had been. A doe, innocent, wide-eyed, easy prey to someone looking for a weak link. It was pathetic, she was pathetic. Her hands found the bracelet and she tugged at it hoping it would just rip apart but it wouldn't.

"You stupid, stupid bitch" she hissed at herself as she tugged it helplessly, soon trying to find the clip. The more frustration grew the more the thing became harder to come off. As the clip bent she found herself flinging it across, a inhumane cry coming out of her mouth.

Her heart was hurting, her head was hurting and she wanted to destroy the world. She hated Benjamin Watson with all her soul, yet she sickened herself when she thought that she wouldn't take anything back. He was her first love, and during that time, he made everything so good, so bright before everything had gone wrong. She wasn't meant for many things, all those dreams had gone away because she'd been blind. As her anger spiked mixed with her bitterness things began to fall over, her glasses fell to the side, her flowers tipped over, books flinging across the room and she couldn't find herself to even care. Her whole body shook, destruction was on her mind and it seemed that the destruction would occur in her things, in her life not wanting to spread it like the toxic creature she was.

As she felt something climb on her lap she looked to see her cat look up at her, eyes sad. Her hands moved down shakily as she grabbed Toby and brought him close. Ben had taken her innocence, her hope of a better tomorrow. And yet, if he had come through that door, she didn't know if she would kill him or cling to him, it sickened her, she was sickening all this feeling made her want to just let herself rot. Her cries were shaky, and breathing became more labored. It was hell, but as she felt her Toby lick her tears, and nuzzle her, she murmured apologies to the poor animal who was stuck with her destructive self.

"I'm sorry" she whispered as a mantra. Whether it was for her poor familiar, or it was for herself it wasn't clear. But she did regret not being stronger and for that she apologized to the only person left to stand by her, herself. Soon no sound was emitted anymore but hiccups and rocking from the twin sized bed in the middle of the room. If anyone were to come in, chaos would be clear. If her room had once reflected her control, now, now it showed how little she had left. She was damaged like every photograph on the ground, like the glass, the vases and the books.

The room was dark, the cold December night reflected into her window, but she took no notice. The house was dead quiet; the halls were barely lit by gas lamps that would dim the later the night would get. The house would shut itself off once the last inhabitant closed their eyes, but that seemed impossible to her. All in the house, the only people there was her and her elves. Her servants had been given their holiday break, and Tess found it to be good for them to just leave her be. And where she expected her parents to be there knowing it would be a change, they had gone on their annual trip to the tropics for Christmas. She had paid no mind, instead she felt relief that her mother would stuff fussing over her as if she was an old maid too late to marry.

Ever since the engagement had ended her mother seemed to have mourned more than anyone. She had looked forward to bragging of her daughter hooking her nails to the Murray heir, hell any old family heir. But Tess had never sunk into the role, she couldn’t have and no matter how much it would have pleased her mother, she wasn’t sure it would have worked out so well. He was a good person, tolerable, yet she found herself wishing that he had not looked down at the world as he did, but that’s who he was wasn’t he? All male heirs tended to look at the world that way.

’Ben didn’t’ her mind reminded her.


With a shuffle to her side, Tess decided she didn’t want to deal with those thoughts. But it was true, when she had first met Benjamin, he was cold and somewhat intimidating; he had taken over her personal space and at his first touch, she had found herself feeling new things she wasn’t comfortable. He had taken her over, reaped her heart and spoke sweet nothings yet filled promises in her ear. She had believed them and without thinking about it she had given consent to reaping. Now, she laid there, angry at the world, angry at him and bitter over her choices.

She was pathetic; she disgusted herself. Never once did she think she would lie there wondering why in the world things happened to her. How many times had she made fun of those damsels who felt so mournful for something that had ended. They never had a chance, she never could walk down the hallway with him unless it was in a professional matter, and that was their biggest downfall. Even when free, how could they be normal?

’There’s nothing normal about you’ she told herself.

She was socially inept, sensitive for a cold heartless word, and too trusting of men, especially ones with intellect. She wanted to prove herself not those people, but not really thinking about herself. And the moment he had come her path, who looked at her like she was all those things she wanted to be, it made her think it was over, she could just relax and forget the judgement and start feeling.

“You’re so stupid” she whispered to the empty room.

And she was. She built a world around him, her hopes were that despite the world breaking he would protect her from the failures she had done. He had her in some dream, the way he was so sure of himself. The stars hadn’t aligned in their favor, and for that reason she no longer wanted to try. If she had ever thought that love was possible for a person like her, it had all flitted away, ripped from her. The greatest story she would ever tell, was over.

The logical part of her, was just angry at her moping around. It screamed in her head, the way she was being so stupid, so weak. Now that she knew what it really was, it would mean that her insipid need to be loved. Screw all of it, it told her, it was time to toughen up or the world would chew her up and spit her out.

’It’s over, and it’s for the best, you don’t need those waste of times in your stupid mourning. At the end of the day nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. Pride comes before anything and you didn’t want used goods'

Tess winced as her mind had told her something that she didn’t want to yet admit. She had yelled her hate for him, hating him for the thought of breaking her and ripping her of every shred of protection she had carried with her. But she had to accept that instead of mourning, instead of laying there on Christmas staring at the ceiling she should be doing something in her life.

“You have no one stupid” she muttered out loud.

And that was true, she had no one. It stung, but it was better to be alone, along protected her. Her gaze moved towards the snow collecting on her balcony. Rolling off her bed she walked barefooted towards the door and pulled it open. Her mother no longer locked it, after she had confessed what she had done, admitted every word in a desperate need to have someone to hold her, her mother had done something she’d never dare do. She hugged her and kissed her forehead telling her that she was a smart girl for not getting caught, and that from now on, it was best to hide the vulnerable part of her.

”Even when you get married doll you will hide that, it’s not polite to show it, especially when you battle for dominion. You do realize had you said something about the Watson boy it would have been different, and as for Adler…well you’ll see what I’ll do if you want me to”

Tess had thanked her mother, and her mother had placed a hand on her chest and told her to heal it through simply shutting it off. Her words were clear in her mind till this day.

”Like a cut or a bruise, you ignore the pain and you keep walking. You stumbled once, but you won’t ever stumble in those shoes again. You deny your failure and you don’t look back you got me? DeVitas don’t look back."

When her mother spoke to her it was always about her family, not a Holmes, but a woman of power, her mother was a strong woman. The idea of strong replayed over and over in Tess’ mind as the wind fluttered towards her reminding her where she was. She walked towards the railing, her hands wound themselves on the cold unforgiving metal. It was good to feel, she wiggled her toes in the snow, wondering what more could she force herself to actually feel instead of anger and mourning.

The gardens were dark, the few floating lamps were dead because no one had passed by. She took a deep breath, letting the cool air enter her system and she wondered if a a walk was too out of the question.

’It’s your house technically till new years, so why don’t you command control like a true heir does?/

No one would dare question her, and with a push off the balcony, she turned and walked back indoors. Toby had not moved an inch from his bed, his eyes glowed in the dark, taking in his mistress moving to slip on a coat and some boots. Tess passed by patting him absentmindedly before walking out the door.

As she walked down the hall the lights immediately brightened, and she flicked her arms signaling them to dim, she didn’t care for the bright at the moment and headed downstairs. Her moves showed that she had a purpose, she wanted to feel, feel alive, feel like she truly existed in the miserable world. Her boots clicked as she walked with purpose towards the garden door and she pushed through sighing in relief as she felt the wind hit her face with it’s coldness.

Down the path she went, her eyes never straying from the path, indifferent if anyone were to see her, her wand was still safely in her coat and she wouldn’t hesitate to attack if needed. Her walk continued until she found the familiar path that she had designated hers. The lake in the estate had frozen over, and it shined like no other, the moon barely hinting it existed in her world. She took off her coat, and placed it on the ground, sitting on it curled up staring at the lake. She ran away from silence to more silence. She wanted to feel, that rush, that adrenaline that once it was over left her with euphoria.

At least when she felt anger and it dissipated it would bring her that rush that made her wanting to break everything in sight. It wasn’t good of her, she knew but she didn’t seem to care. Even when she had picked up the glass, the small cut on her hand had felt like it was showing the pain she dealt with all alone. She had cursed afterwards not even that little prick of the glass was worth the mess. Soon everything had been cleaned up, as if nothing had happened, the old photos hidden under her bed, she wasn’t daring enough to throw them in the trash.

“Pathetic” she hissed out, her breath created that smoky feel as it took in the cold air. It was beautiful. Her brown eyes stared blankly at the lake and she got up, figuring that she could simply just feel something. She remembered the grip on the railing and how she had felt that cold. She kicked off one boot, then the other and began to walk forward, her toes curling at the feel of the cold floor. She was controlling how much she felt, and that, that was wonderful to her.

As her feet touched the rim of the lake, she let out a shaky breath, her body wasn’t used to such a temperature touching her. Her skin was already pink from being uncovered. Still she kept walking, deeper into the frozen lake, feeling as if this was right. The cold surrounded her yet it didn’t quit smother that repressed anger. Throwing everything around hadn’t been enough, it had only been the beginning. Looking up at the sky, she simply sighed, as snow fell lightly over everything, a gentle caress when she needed a good shaking. No soon had she thought that, that her next step had sunk her.

She barely had time to gasp before she was down. Her skin prickled immediately and she couldn’t believe she had fallen in; it had been safe she had been careful…hadn’t she? She kicked and kicked and struggled to find the surface as her skin began to tense up. Her hand tried to grip the ice, but her hand slipped, sending her back under. Her eyes were growing heavy, and her lungs were beginning to ache at the lack of oxygen. As her vision blurred she tried to reach for the surface but it was no use. It was over. Her lips parted and whatever was left bubbled out. This was the peace she wanted wasn’t it? She was feeling more than she ever wanted, but all that she deserved.

When she let her body relax, it was once she found herself succumbing to whatever was coming. Her body was too cold to even fight it. The water moved around her, swirling slowly, in a comforting way, that if she had been awake she would have felt safe. Water went under her body and slowly pushed her towards the surface. It relieved the pressure that her lungs had succumb to and froze under her, preventing her from sinking once more.

Minutes ticked by, and no movement came from the deathly pale girl laying in the middle of the lake. Each breath she took let out a puff of air signaling she was at least alive. But as if she came out of a nightmare, Tess turned around and began to cough. She wheezed and coughed letting out the excess water in her lungs, her eyes tearing up from the pressure.

She thought it had been a nightmare, her falling in. But as her hair was dripping on her face and her skin was prickling she realized that something wasn’t adding up. She rolled and tentatively looked under her, realizing that there was a new ice formation under her, the edges sealed showing that it was brand knew. She looked around wondering if someone had helped her but no one was there.

'Why would anyone help you?'

She shivered at that voice not needing it anymore. Placing her hands on the ice, she tried to pick herself up, her legs shaky, still in shock, and she cursed not needing herself to be so clumsy.

“S-s-stupid” she hissed at herself.

She wobbled but managed to try and reach towards the end of the lake. She stumbled, cursed and struggled but she managed to get to the sturdier ice, and sighed in relief letting her legs give out as she  couldn’t go on. She simply pulled herself towards the snow and shakily wrapped the coat around herself. She closed her eyes trying to get herself to settle down her heart, that pounded against her ears. She felt this, she had felt the nerve wracking feeling of realizing what it would be to have died under ice. She wasn’t cold, her skin was deathly pale, yet she no longer felt cold. The coat had not absorbed the ice water yet she was fine, her nerves were shocked, but she was fine. She stared at the hole she had climbed out of and found herself closing her eyes once more wanting to calm her beating heart.

In, out, in, in, out, breathe, just breathe

Her shaky breathing evened out, and she lowered her head, her wet hair clinging to her face. Her lips were blue, her eyes were dim, but she didn’t dare move. She had gotten what she had wanted hadn’t she? She had felt again. Fear, agony, panic, but the after affects, she breathed out once more at the feeling of relief. In some horrible way she felt alive, more alive than ever and she looked up a the cloudy sky that hid the moon from view.

It would be later as she had reached her room and had taken a warm shower, did she realize that all of what she went through wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth feeling if it meant just feeling fear. Curling up to her side she had her cat to comfort her, and the silence that came with being alone. She told herself it was dumb luck she was alive, and she would never more seek out that adrenaline again.

St. Nick’s hospital never had seen so much injuries in such a short span of time. Even the previous attack at Salem in no way could be as close as the number of injuries as they came this way. Aurors, students, and guests of the ball laid in different rooms. The white sterile atmosphere was filled with nervous energy that came from healers and Mediwitches.

Through the chaos had come a patient without a name. Her dress was white once, before the whole event. Now it was covered in dirt and blood. Her head bobbed as the Auror pushed through people and towards the emergency room. Immediately they took her in, and began to cut her out of her clothes to examine her. Checking through every injury they calculated what was wrong.

“Broken ribs, two on her right side”

“Fractured arm”

“Check her head, she’s not bleeding but we can never be too sure”

Pushing her hair back, they filtered through her head to see if there was any big damage from the hit. They wet her hair, removing the blood that had been collected in her hair. Once inspecting the cuts, a simply spell fixed most of them, avoiding the stitches since they weren’t too deep. Wrapping bandages around her breast, down to her waist she was changed into a hospital gown and moved her towards one of the few rooms that were left early.

“Name?”

“We don’t know yet…there was no identification”
“Wand?”

“Ask the Auror she came with”

It was three hours till it was discovered that she wasn’t just anybody but a Holmes. A trace on her wand was enough for them to come up with her file.


Off they ran off to contact the Headmaster who had no clue as to the situation of the younger heir. It was only a few minutes before he came into the hospital like a man in a mission. Immediately he asked the first Auror of the situation.

“Where is Tess Holmes?”

“I-I’m sorry but she’s not my list. I don’t know who she-“

“I wasn’t asking you to tell me your life young man, I want to know how she is. Isn’t that your job, to heal? Is she better? If you don’t know get someone who knows, don’t make me shut this place down” Mycroft growled.

The young Healer, barely out of uni, ran off immediately to get someone who could actually aid Mycroft in his search. Immediately an older Healer appeared and began to explain the situation. She had not woken up, her breathing was normal, nothing punctured. There were no worried about her body healing, her waking up was their worry.

Mycroft never felt guiltier knowing that her baby sister was in this situation because he wanted to end the Black Widows. He wondered who was the person that had used Bombardia to create the accident. He was asked to wait outside since he was too early for visiting hours. He did as told, his hand twitching. He figured he would get into contact with Teagan and Rhian about the situation. He knew that Rhian would take it hard, even if they girls weren’t close as they once were.

He had floo’d them, and as expected Rhian had been a bit emotional over all of it. Immediately asking questions, that he himself was sure he could answer without getting choked up. He had promised her that he would tell her if anything changed. Teagan on the other had was more restrained, he knew she was worried for his sake rather than his sister, but he appreciated it nonetheless. When Rhian walked off, needing time to herself, it was Teagan that broke the silence.

“Why not move her to St. Mungos? Is it safe to move her?” she asked.

Mycroft shrugged, not really knowing that. He never pondered the idea of moving her. But knowing that she was in hands that he knew, he had more connections in St. Mungos, give her a private room, more attention, a lot better than the stress that St. Nick’s currently had.

“I’ll ask”

“Good” she smiled, “You’ll be calmer knowing that she’ll be close by. Now have coffee, get things arranged and come home.”

He smiled in return, tired but thankful that she was there even if it was  in spirit. Ending the connection, he walked off towards the old lady that had helped him before. As he began to ask questions about the condition and the danger of moving her.

“We should wait a few days Mr. Holmes” the woman explained, “We have stopped minor bleeding, but the pressure of apparition or floo could affect her. Maybe once she wakes up we can think of moving her.”

He was frustrated, but did as asked. First few days, there was only improvement in certain injuries, but she still wasn’t waking up. It worried him, but they had explained she had nothing wrong, at least nothing they could pinpoint.

For Tess, her whole mind was in purgatory. It floated in and out of reality. From listening to the nurses talking, but not being able to open her eyes. They felt so heavy, like she needed a good sleep. Her voice didn’t work either, as if she had forgotten how to even formulate a word, let alone make a noise. The darkness was something that she usually enjoyed, but now it was frightening and cold. It felt like she was absolutely alone in the world.

She tried to convince herself that it would get better, that soon enough her mouth would move and everything would be okay. She could ask for her mother. In a surprising way, no matter how cold her mother would be, and how conniving she was, she would at least hold her. She wanted to be held, and be promised that things would work out okay. It was ironic really, that where she once wished for silence, for some time to just lay in bed and ponder about the world, now she had it and it made her panic.

Those few moments of being able to hear the world, she tried to claw to the surface, trying desperately to ask questions that killed her. What was the outcome of the battle? Was her brother okay? Did they contact her family? Did the Black Widows kill those children? Was Ben okay? These questions plagued her more than she cared to admit.


Mycroft walked into the room once more, ignoring the fact that in the room she was resting was overfilled with people. He pulled the chair towards her bed and immediately grabbed her hand. He studied her carefully. Her brown hair fanned down her shoulders, the white pillow making it seem darker. Her skin was pale, paler than usual, and was missing that glow that she carried when happy. Her lips were chapped, and her lashes rested. She looked like herself, an empty shell of herself and it hurt him to see it.

“Tess…I’m so sorry” he whispered softly, not wanting anyone to hear, “I don’t even know if you can hear me, but just know I’m so sorry.”

His hand went to her face, and he caressed her cheek. There was no response. He hoped, like those cheesy movies that Teagan made him watch, would work on her. But it wasn’t the case. He was told that talking would be good for the two of them.

“I contacted mother and father, they’re on their way. You know mummy was furious? Mad that it happened, but angrier that I didn’t call her immediately. As if she was going to drop everything to come here…I would have though” he said placing with her hand. “You need to get better, you need to wake up. It’s not…it’s not the same without you, even if it’s just a glance. You’re my baby sister and I-you need to be okay. Teagan and Rhian are waiting for you to get better.”

With no response, Mycroft kissed her forehead and walked out before he broke in front of people that mattered nothing to him. Had he waited he would have seen a twitch of her finger.

She wanted to hold him, before he even spoke, the cologne that hit her senses told her that it was Mycroft. She was needy for attention, and wanted to crawl onto him like when she was a child. He used to read her the fairy tales that taught her of adventure, love and heroism. She wanted her big brother, her mother, even father. As he touched her cheek, she tried desperately to open her mouth but despite her mind being active, her body was still too weary. As he talked on about things, she had the urge to smile. Mother was very much into dramatics, but she was glad they cared enough to rush over. The crack in his voice was enough for her to know he was hurting too. He moved too fast, leaving her once more in isolation.

The next day, she was immediately hit with the sweetness of her mothers perfume as her body was pulled towards her. Her head was cradled as her mother began to rant that a Holmes shouldn’t be with simpletons and that her health was deteriorating from the amount of people in the room, the amount of dirtiness the room held. Tess simply inhaled the scent wanting to try and hold something akin to familiarity. All her father did was pat her head, that was all and nearly commanded her to get better. She knew Mycroft was close, he always was. He had asked for the curtains to be placed around her, for some security. He didn’t trust journalist that could write a piece about his weakness. It was obvious enough he had many.

“Mother the more you shake her is not going to wake her up”

”Mikey, you don’t know that, she used to like this as a child.”

“And how would you know mother? You rarely ever held her”

“Mycroft you respect your mother” their father growled

Tess felt a glare sent towards Mycroft and she knew he was right. Her mother only ever held her in galas to show her off, then would hand her to the nanny to put her wherever babies were put during the whole event.  Still like any normal person she did indeed love her mother, flaws in all. She also loved her father who she knew despite the curmudgeon act he did, he cared for his children, even if it was for business. They mattered.

”When can we move her Mickey?” her mother asked softly.

”No idea mother they don’t want her to be moved until she shows some kind of consciousness..and it’s Mycroft mother.”

He sat close to his sister and grabbed her hand, the only thing that wasn’t pulled towards their mother. Her mother was indeed one for dramatics, as if throwing affection would wake the young girl up. He had to admit he thought of the same thing as he rubbed his thumb over her limp hand.

“I don’t even know why she was at the attack Mycroft, a girl like her wouldn’t survive something so heavy you know that”

Her father was always doubting her skills.

”Your father is right darling, a delicate girl like Tess Marie would never survive something as heinous as battle. Look at how it turned out? Our poor baby in the hospital. She’s not meant for battle, she’s meant for-“

“-for a good home as a housewife. I don’t understand why you give her ideas of careers. She’s in her prime now, should be finding someone to settle down with.”

“She’s more than that mother, she has talent. Look at her grades she’s-“

“-school is a hobby. Yes she is successful in classes, but look how is that going to give her a good home? She doesn’t even have people interested in her because of her bookish nature. We cannot protect her always Mickey. She cannot be a spinster, she already lost a good prospect of a husband because of your mistakes.”

“She’s meant for a career not-“

“I think we decided that son, don’t you think?”

The arguments about her future were nothing new. They always argued, about it. From her being too stupid to not use her time at Hogwarts for scoping husbands intend of books and quidditch. It was a fad for them, her ideas on a career, because she already had a job. It was giving her a headache hearing it now, so close to her, circling around her.

“Stop” she groaned out.

Immediately that shut everyone up. As her mother’s hand moved towards her temple, she whimpered softly, leaning towards her as she began to rub her temples. If her mother was ever nurturing, it took her sixteen years to show it.

“Oh honey” she whispered softly, you’re awake.

“Head” she strained out, “hurt”

Her mouth was so dry, and she still couldn’t stand the thought of opening her eyes and the bright lights of the hospital hurting her. She managed to get the request she wanted as her mother continued her administrations. She heard stomping away knowing that the men of her family were off to collect the mediwitch.

“Oh darling I was so worried about you” her mother cooed.

“Fighter” she managed to say. “I’m-“

“Shush, come now darling please open your eyes."

“Light” she muttered out.

“Come here, try to open your eyes now” her mother said softly as she moved Tess’ head to the crook of her neck. Tess weakly wrapped her arms around her mother, and slowly tried to open her eyes. Her mother’s long golden brown locks covered some of the brightness of the room, but it stung. As she was caressed her mother began to prattle.

” We’re bringing you to Paris until you get better. I cannot stand you staying in this hospital, especially with so many simpletons surrounding you. I told Mickey to move you, you know we’re still angry at him. What were you thinking accepting the idea of the attack and not protecting yourself?”

“Mother” she whispered softly, trying to gain her speech back, “I had to protect others”

“What have they ever done to you? You think of yourself Tess Marie, you alone protect you. Do you think anyone even visited you in this forsaken place? Hm? No, no one but us.”

Tess mumbled something unintelligible and clung to her mother until the healers came and began to inspect her. Her body was hurting all over, but they cleared her to go back to St. Mungos for a while. She was not ready to move again, and her head was still jumbled, not to mention her ribs were still healing.

Mycroft bent down and kissed her forehead, Tess let out a soft smile at him. They were by no means fixed, but despite everything, the fighting, separation and hurt feelings, there was love.

“Time to head back Tess” he whispered softly.

“Good” she breathed out, before letting her eyes close.

From the large imposing gate looking in, the garden seemed full of life, at least looking from afar. The roses were in bloom, the fountains continued to run, and the gardeners were busy with their work. Everything looked impeccable, and with the sun shining, it was all the more beautiful. Behind that large the expanse of land was the manor, looking large and imposing, with windows to let the sun in, that is, if the curtains were pulled back.

"This house always frightens me" a young maid murmured to the older woman.

The young woman was tall, skinny, with freckles across her nose, the strawberry blond hair pulled back in a bun, her eyes curious at her new surroundings. She had begun to work at the manor as a temp, her grandmother letting her tag along for extra money. The older woman had worked in the family since the engagement of the Senior Holmes with his bride.

"Hush child, it's better for it to be quiet. When there is life is that this house becomes frightening"

"Gran you know what I mean, this house is so...cold. I just don't know why, it's sunny outside, but once you walk in it's...chilly."

"Then I suggest you bring a jumper next time Abigail" a voice drawled.

Both the maids turned to look at the young woman at the top of the staircase. She peered down at the two of them, eyes sharp. Abigail had the decency to turn bright red at being caught. At least it had been the younger Holmes and not the Head of the household. Mrs. Holmes would have hexed her already. Abigail looked towards her grandmother who tightened her grip on the girl's hand and lowered her head to the young mistress.

"Forgive my granddaughter miss, she just runs her mouth without thinking. Forgive us."

Looking up at the young girl, she had to admit that the older she was getting the straighter her back had become. Even in her bathrobe around her waist, and her nightgown still in place, she looked so much like her mother. She had tended to the young girl at such a young age, before she shut people out.

"There is nothing to forgive Etta, now if you can please come upstairs, I need to get ready for the day" she drawled out.

"Of course Miss"

The old lady began to climb the stairs as Abigail tried to make herself busy. Shuffling she waited to be given orders. Even a year working here, she was never left on her own devices.

"Abigail, please make a bath for me please"

That was her cue, and she was off, hoping to be useful and not be fired. Miss Holmes was never harsh to her, always forgiving her spastic nature. Despite Abigail being twenty-three, she could never find her wits about her when facing the family. For the first six months working here, they had been like myths, never seeing them, but the house was still kept impeccable. It seemed silly, that is until she met the family.

Dipping her hand in the water, she began to feel it and hope it was to the lady's liking. Tess Holmes confused her a lot, her grandmother always spoke of the kind soul that was held behind the young girl, at least in the beginning. She was her nana at some point, and she always said she was the softest of the children. Mycroft being immediately demanding things much like the parents, but Tess was always the quiet one that asked for things. She was still much a lady, a breeding like hers had something that just screamed order.

Speaking of the devil, there was the lady. The silk robe around her body. Her grandmother signaled her that she had forgotten the important parts. She began to put in the soap, the smell of roses filling the room, next came the bubbles beginning to rise from the water and the actual petals floating on the surface. Once it was ready, she turned off the faucet and moved away. The lady walked towards the tub and grandmother did what he had done for seventeen years for the lady. Tugging the pins in the girls hair, it began to slide down her back. She untied the bathrobe herself and was helped into the tub.

Tess was not ashamed of her nudity, at least when it came to bathing with her grandmother. Etta knew every change that had come Tess' way from a young age. Finally taking a seat, she sat down and sighed, letting herself relax. Her body had healed since the attack, slowly, but now it was unmarred and the nasty bruises had disappeared. It was still hard for her to move quickly, but nothing that bothered her.

Snapping her finger, Etta poured some water over the girl's head, wetting her hair properly and the began to work the oils and soap in her hair. Tess sighed and let the old woman work as she always did on her hair. Letting herself relax she began to go over the list that was expected of her today. This Sunday was a special one; she was supposed to meet a few men that she was expected to woo, or at least entice them with the idea of wanting her beside them, like the pretty trophy she was being made out to be. She hated the idea, but it was something that was expected. She was seventeen now; and in her last year before she had to go off and figure out what life was about. Being unmarried at seventeen was a bit frightening to her, especially when it came to having no prospects. She didn't want to get married, not yet. She had already figured out it was bound to happen. While not the prettiest, she was graceful, had good breeding, and if she kept her mouth shut she could maybe seem dim. Dim was good for older pureblood families, meant that she could at least function and be moldable if they needed her to be.

"Abigail, who as visiting today?" she asked, sighing as Etta's fingers worked against her scalp.

She was used to the good life; she wasn't going to lie. At school, she couldn't indulge in the luxury like she could at home. It was so nice to take some time for herself, to dip in the tub and feel pampered and like a princess. It was silly, for a girl who prided herself to her books and intellect to have a fondness for being pampered. But she was bred with the idea that the good life was a necessity. And yes, she liked to be independent, if independence came with a life of money. It took her a while to realize that it was a part of her and she wasn't going to settle.

"Mr. Quill is coming today with his son Peter, at noon. He's twenty-two miss, academically advanced, potions career, and seems you were at the top of his list Miss"

Lowering the scroll, Abigail looked curious at the young girl, as she looked indifferent. Mr. Quill's breeding, was impressive, very handsome based on the picture, and seemed to fit the status quo of handsome. Now was Miss Holmes interested? Based on her interest in bathing rather than the man who was seeking her hand.

"He sounds charming Miss"

Tess chuckled and let herself slide under the water, wanting to just relax. Mr. Quill had twelve sons, which seemed ridiculous really, but the youngest was interested. She had heard of him, many times from her mother's mouth, telling her that he wanted someone smart, and other things to make Tess' pretty head fill with fantasies when young. Now, not so much. He seemed so much older, a career, educated, far too intelligent to want to dwell on a girl like her. Still it was flattering to be at the top of the list. Sitting up she let the water slide off her body and signaled for the towel.

"I need to get ready before he comes. Abigail please take out the choices for today, Etta help me out."

Standing up, she let a towel be patted against her, before her bathrobe was covering her. Next came the towel around her hair, to keep it in order. Grabbing the older woman's hand she got out of the tub. Once in her room she inspected the dresses, all classic styles, from empire style dresses, to cocktail, to a different shades of sundresses. Signaling the red, she was taken to the vanity to fix herself. Immediately Abigail was set to work. She was good with hair, something she was thankful for being useful into something. Working the hair and pack, Miss Holmes began to look like a proper princess. Looking like the pinup actresses that her grandmother adored, her hair was pinned properly. Once that was in order came the make up, a red lip adorning her lips to match the sundress. Finally slipping the dress on, and heels on her feet, Tess sighed.

Asking for some private time, she began to stare at herself in the mirror. This was ridiculous. She barely looked like herself, that beauty mark on her face had been covered, her lips were a bit too bright, she was scared of smudging her whole face with a sip of her drink. Picking up a napkin, she began to clean her lipstick, not wanting to look like a doll. Looking pretty was one thing, looking too perfect twisted something in her that didn't make her feel comfortable. Satisfied she tapped her nails against the table waiting to be told to go downstairs.

Her father had arrived, she could see from the window, with Mr. Quill and his son. They walked down the garden path together, and she could read her father's lips describing everything about the history and things that neither men cared about. Immediately changing her mind, she put back the makeup she had removed. If it was her mother, there would be some leniency, but if it was her father, perfection was necessary.

A knock at the door made it clear that it was time. One last look in the mirror she was satisfied and walked out with her back rod straight. Gracefully walking down the stairs she took time to inspect the man before her. He was tall, sandy blond hair, and blue eyes that were eerily like the man she cared for. Pushing those thoughts back, she smiled prettily at the tall man and he took her hand and kissed it delicately. She ignored the way they studied her as if she was under a magnifying glass, she was used to it after all.

"Your daughter is lovely Mr. Holmes" Peter said his eyes never leaving her face. "the picture did not do her justice"

Tess blushed despite herself. Being called pretty was still something new, something that fluttered her stomach and made her think she didn't always had to hide behind a book. Looking over at her father, she noticed that he was pleased in her appearance. And at the end of the day, she hadn't disappointed him. Relieved she took his signal and began to talk softly.

"Mister Quill, may I show your son the gardens more in depth? I'm sure he'd enjoy the lake"

Getting the approval they began to walk the gardens, as she spoke softly, evenly, and letting her voice take a melodic quality to keep him at ease. Was she interested? Had she never met Ben she would have swooned at the kind man's words and teases. He was charming, almost too charming, but the genuine nature that made her feel special. Looking around, she ignored the way he went for her hand, not pulling it away. Peter was a flirt, but older, much older than she ever expected to be interested in.

What would Ben think?

That made her want to stop all this immediately. Looking over at Peter, he hadn't even noticed she hadn't said anything for twenty minutes. It was then she realized he talked too much. The way he kept going, was just to keep himself entertained than her. He liked to hear himself and she, realized that in her hope to make her father proud she took everything in stride, ignoring the glaringly obvious facts. And maybe it was the bias in her heart, that Ben had made himself at home in her sentiments. But at the moment the age gap seemed so much bigger.

"This walk was lovely Peter" she said interrupting his rant about the weather.

Turning over to face her he smiled brightly and kissed her cheek. He was breaking tradition by being so forward, but let him do it. After all, she'd tell her father of what she had decided later. While they were financially stable, the Holmes wealth surpassed theirs making her at decision. Pulling back she made a signal saying she wanted to head back. Accepting his arm, she began to walk back their fathers still talking about business. When her father saw her she pulled away from Peter and waled to her father's side and was relieved it was over.

As the Quill's left, Tess looked up to her father to see him already waiting for her verdict. She almost bit into her lip, had the gloss of her lipstick and gloss reminded her of the consequences. Pushing a hair back she sighed.

"Father, Peter was a bit forward, and while appreciate his nature, I think that we should send a thank you letter and keep looking" she said diplomatically, "I would think that there are other options...I-I do have one in mind actually"

His ice blue eyes brightened immediately at her confession, and pulled her to sit down. She wrung her hands under the table, and made her decision. She wanted to be logical, and make it seem like she was smart about it. Making herself ready, she looked at her father only to realize he was studying her. Pushing her shoulders back she began to explain her decision.

"I've been searching on my own for a suitable candidate, that pleases your expectations and...and fits my own standard at which I uphold myself." she began tentatively, "The Watson family, they're an old family, one full of prestige that equates to our own. Their oldest son, graduated this year, highest grade in his year, head boy, and is currently studying at Unseen. He is intelligent father and...and I think that it would be beneficial to send a letter, showing my interest and making it clear how convenient it would be for both families"

Finishing her explanation, she was afraid to look at her father. He had shifted emotions since the attack. It seemed that since then he was more careful, made her seem more delicate and treated her like he treated her mother. It was both daunting and flattering and confused her greatly.

"I see my darling....very well. I agree that you've thought about this carefully. We'll see if we can't create this union my dove"

Her heart stuttered and she walked over to the other side of the table as he wanted her to. Hugging him softly, she took a deep breath. Despite his cold disposition, she knew he loved her in his own way. Rubbing her back, she closed her eyes letting him hold her close. She was daddy's girl, she couldn't help it, especially once he was letting her have her way.

Another evening, another dinner party. It seemed, that although her family showed no interest in having a union between the two children, the Quills hadn't necessarily taken the hint. Now it was a dinner, a chance for them to keep vying for the Holmes' attention. Tess had her hair tied up in a bun, pulling back anything that could hide her face. Her mother, had gone all out; she had taken Tess' look into her hands, and pushed Abigail and Etta to only see to the girl's bath as usual. With makeup done, glossy lipgloss on her lips, mascara and eyeliner giving her a cat eye look, and she felt so much bigger than she was. Her mother leaned down and smiled at the mirror, it not reaching her eyes.

"Oh Tess Marie, you look so much like-"

"-a lady?" she finished her mother's sentence.

Her mother laughed,

"Oh no darling, like me"

If her brother was the fitting image of her father, then Tess took to her mother. Her eyes were a similar shade to her mothers, the gleam so eerily similar as well. Where her mother was tall, her own stature hadn't reached their heights. But her mother made her feel like she was pretty. Because if her glamorous mother saw herself in someone like her, then she stood a chance at being beautiful. Slipping into her cocktail dress, she got her mother's help at walking down so they could both be ready.

Her mother had dressed the part, her gown burgundy, a great contrast with her ivory skin. Her earrings shined brightly from the jewels, and her hair fanned out, showing that at her age, she was most definitely a beauty still. Tess had decided on a dark forest green dress. Enough to stand beside her mother, and pop out enough for the large dinner party.

Once they arrived at the dinner party, she knew that she would be forced to greet not only the parents, but to greet Peter as well. The family had gone all out, from the large portions of plates handed out, to the chandeliers had shined brightly all over. It was both beautiful and a bit overwhelming to see everything together.

“Trying too hard” her mother muttered.

Seeing Mrs. Quill, her mocking immediately changed to false excitement. Her mother was so good at that.

“Lilian, darling, everything looks exquisite!” she said as she kissed the woman’s cheeks in greeting.

Tess looked away, a smirk tugging at the niceness that came from their farce. That always blew her mind, how easy it was to be fake. Moving a strand of hair from her face she smiled politely as the older woman looked her over before nodding in approval.

“Peter is outside on the balcony. You should see him darling, he’s been waiting for you all night.” [/i]

Forcing a look of excitement she followed the order. There was no such thing as a suggestion in matters like these. It all seemed pointless for her to even do this anymore, as soon as Ben’s parents would send the news of marriage, it would be all set. Her cheeks reddened at the prospect of having him near her and be allowed between their parents. She was so distracted that she didn’t even realize when she arrived to the balcony and walked right into Peter.

“Oh apologies!” she cried out mortified.

She was many things, but clumsy was not one of them. Standing straighter, she felt uncomfortable leaning against Peter, as he held her firmly from the hips. He was charming, handsome, just as handsome as the first meeting, but it was all too forced. There was no mark of flaws on him, and for some odd reason she found that unappealing.

“There is nothing to apologize for…nothing at all” Peter said grinning as his hands had not left her person.

Clearing her throat she took a step back and looked towards the gardens. They were lovely, with the little fairies flying around giving it life. Still not as beautiful as her own gardens. The size difference was enough for her to see why she would never find herself living in a place like this. She was used to extravagance, not quaintness.

”And to think, you might be in ownership of these gardens that you so admire”

Tess looked up to see Peter close to her, his hand resting on the railing on her other side, incasing her near him. A classic trick when it came to these events, to see just how far a person could go. She chuckled, thinking he was joking, obviously he had to be.

“Why not take a walk in the gardens?” he offered.

She took him upon that suggestion and let him grab her hand and lead her. Up close, they did have a charm to them that the balcony did not show. As the fairies changed colors realizing they had guests. Walking through the paths, he began to explain everything, her eyes trailing behind to see the maid behind them, always making sure propriety was given. She let her shoulders sag and took it in stride knowing she was safe. Listening him talk, he did have a lovely tone in his voice. He spoke of everything from his mother’s love of roses, to their crest having lilies because of their history. In all the talking she hadn’t even noticed when the maid was no longer following thanks to his signal.

“Thank you for-“

Her words were caught at her throat as his lips were already against hers. Her eyes widened realizing that this was not only improper, but that they were alone. Pushing him back as much as she could seemed to do nothing for him. His six foot stature loomed over her. She needed air, his aggressiveness were already showing signs as he gripped her hips tightly. Thankfully he pulled back, and she gasped for breath.

“Peter this isn’t proper!” she gasped, “You-“

”Oh calm down I was just testing out the merchandise, to see just how much you were worth, at least body wise.”

She glared at him, never in her life being so insulted. Her body was never tormented in such a way. Yes criticized but when wearing clothing, never in her proportions, physique, or prowess.

“You can’t. We are not even engaged, even then, it will only be to bear a child if the union were to be approved” she said angrily pushing him back.

At her words, he began to laugh. The charm that she had once fallen for began to morph into the imperfection that she had sought out before. His charm was only to lull her in a sense of security.

“You’re so darling my little Tess” he purred kissing her cheek in the most condescending way. “As the youngest-born son, I do not need to produce an heir. You will merely be an ornament, a mindless drone attached to me for your beauty. An ornament for me to find my pleasure with. You’ll be broken in just fine, all that propriety will look lovely on the bedroom floor”[/i]

If her cheeks were rosy before, they were red now. Angry she pushed him back, harder than she did before, and he relented, letting her go with amusement still in his eye.

“Let me tell you something Peter Quill, you and I will never be engaged. You are beneath me, and now I see there is a reason to your bachelorhood. And if we will talk about my pleasure, I find my pleasure in those of greater integrity and intelligence.”

Peter looked angry at her rejection. And for once Tess wasn’t ashamed at her outburst. If he was to act like a brute she would treat him as such. Walking off, she looked angrily for the maid, who looked sheepish as she waited at the main part of the trail.

“I’ll make sure nothing good comes your way understood?” she hissed

Ignoring the way her heels sunk in the grass she took the shortcut to her parents to immediately tell the why this engagement would never happen. As soon as her father saw her, it was clear enough that this was getting shut down. With a stern look towards the father, it was clear enough that this was not happening. Tess looked a little shaken, but her anger was fueling it all the more. Her mother’s hands were on her shoulders, holding her in place as they made it clear what a brute Peter Quill was.

Apparating to their home, Tess was sent upstairs to change out of the clothing. Removing every inch of what she was wearing she ordered her maids to throw it away, never wanting to see anything. Sliding into the tub, she sunk slowly till her whole head was submerged. She stayed under water as long as she could before sliding up and took a deep breath. She felt so dirty, and began to scrub her body trying to remove all memories of last night. Leaning back on the tub, she closed her eyes and tried to relax.

Half an hour later, she had someone knock on her bathroom door. Lifting her hand she clicked and the door opened. She saw that it was Abigail, looking shyly at the young girl. Lifting her brow, she waited for the woman to talk.

“You’re father is asking for you. He wants you in his office Miss”

“Very well, help me out please” she said as she got up.

Immediately she was wrapped in a towel and dried. Her hair dried with an glamor spell. Slipping on her short satin nightgown, she put a satin robe over it and walked towards her fathers office. He wouldn’t call her into his office unless it was something serious. Knocking on his door, she heard a muffle noise to allow her in.

She didn’t smile, instead sat in the designated chair and looked at her father curious as to what he was going to tell her. Her mother smiled encouragingly beside him. The crest on the envelop he was holding was enough to make her straighten up even further. Watson. Biting her lip, a habit she’d never be able to stop she waited for him to begin.

“Sherringford my old friend,

We are pleased to hear your daughter’s interest in our son Benjamin. Alas, despite our push and approval over the union, our son is not keen on it. We send you our sincerest apologies, for our son is not in a right state of mind. We ask that this does not in any way affect our business and we can move forward. Hopefully our son can come to his senses soon.

Our sincerest apologies,

Jeremy & Laurel Watson”

Once her father ended reading the letter, Tess simply sat there, shocked. Did Ben even understand what she had done? The man that had once yelled at her for not choosing him when her first engagement was set was now rejecting her. When he had kissed her at the hospital, there was no malice but passion and dare she think it love. But now…now it all seemed so..so stupid. Maybe he was just like Peter, wanting her for pleasure rather than love.

“My love” her father began. The fact that he had softened his tone, and used a pet name was clear that she must have looked as broken as she felt. ”That boy is not worth a second of your thoughts. Obviously a fool.”

“An idiot my love” her mother interjected.

”We will continue our search lovely, do not worry. We will find a deserving man for you.”

Lowering her gaze, she bit back tears that were beginning to rise. Hadn’t she done enough crying since her third year over him? She was so stupid.

“May I be excused father?” she asked politely.

”Of…of course darling. Good night”

“Good night” she whispered.

Getting up, she felt so confused. All her movements were robotic, her body not even thinking about what she was doing. It was until she laid her head on her pillow did she realize the magnitude of all of this. She would put someone on a pedestal that didn’t want her that way.

“Too late” she muttered. “Always too late”