(Warning: Drug Use)
Ben's finger found the bridge of his nose, pinching it in a way to try to relieve the constant headache. His mind was constantly racing, but in jumbled thoughts that were too full of pain and sadness to be of much use. Annoying, that's what it was.
The sounds of his footfalls echoed off the dungeon corridors as he did his late night patrols. He didn't have to do nearly as much, now that he was Head Boy. They were usually left to the Prefects, with only a few nights where him and Scarlett were needed. Usually, like tonight, he opted for the dungeons. It was a bittersweet choice in that, while he was in his home territory, it also brought him closer to the girl he loved, and the girl who ruined life.
Sometimes he wasn't sure who the second part pertained to.
As the weeks passed, and he saw Tess's birthday come and go with no marked occurrence. Outwardly, anyway. In private, he'd snuck a bottle of Firewhiskey from the cabinet of confiscated things taken off the students and hid away in his room. He'd snapped pretty nastily at his dormmate when she'd come asking for him, but he didn't give a flying fuck at the time. He'd willingly drowned away the pain and memories of that wonderful, perfect day one year ago.
"All of this is perfect" she corrected him. "Just so you know...you being here was more than enough"Her voice fluttered through his mind, crisp and so clear she may have been standing in front of him. Merlin, how he wished she were. Ben had been correct, that terrible day. That had been the last time he'd been that close to her. The isolation was driving him slowly mad.
His fists clenched at his hair as he turned on his heel, marching towards the nearest bathroom. It was up on the main floor, but down a corridor that few ever went to. Almost near the courtyards, it was drafty and always a bit too cold. In the ever growing cold of winter, students would choose to be late to class rather than deal with the bitter chill.
It's perfect, he thought, practically running through the door.
A splash of cold water and I'll be set to go.Until tonight...That voice. Again. Always there, always waiting. Always watching. Finally reaching the far sinks, his hands gripped the porcelain tightly. Closing his eyes, a flash of blood soaked sweater flashed behind his lids. He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, tasting the blood that brought his mind back to the present.
He was losing it. And fast. Everything was a memory of
her. Every place. Every sound. Every word. Like something embedded in his soul since he was created, that he would willingly carve out with a spoon if that meant he could be free of it. Oh, the process would destroy him as well, but so long as he didn't have this constant pain any longer.
"Wondered when you would find you're way here, Watson." A voice echoed lightly off the cold stone walls.
Ben's head whipped up so quickly his neck was sure to hurt later from it. His face was a quick mask of indifference. But not quick enough. Not for...
"Tsk, tsk, Benjamin. No need to hide it from me, now. I've come here to help you." The voice was familiar, vaguely. It had a melodic lilt to it, one he was not likely to forget.
Dolan.Turning in the directions of the stalls, he saw the lone figure leaning carelessly against one of the frames. As if he belonged there. Instead of his school uniform, however, James had traded his robes for a dress jacket. One that matched his trousers perfectly, fitting him as if it was custom. Ben did not intimidate easily, but there was something...off about the boy.
"What do you want, Dolan?" His words were civil, if not just this side of curt. The boy was a Hufflepuff, and he knew now not to underestimate them. They seemed harmless on the outside, but Conner had packed quite a punch when necessary.
James pushed himself into a standing position, his hands tucked neatly in his pockets as he walked easily over to Ben. "As I said, dear Watson. I'm here to help." With that, he pulled out a small leather pouch and tossed it to him. Catching it easily from a few feet's distance, Ben simply held onto it, not quite sure what to do. There was something eerie about the other boy's eyes. As if there was something moving behind their dark depths. "Come on, Mr. Head Boy. I've gotten you an early Christmas gift and you're not even going to open it?"
Brow furrowing at the boys words, Ben slowly opened the drawstrings. Inside was a small sample of off-white, grainy powder. He didn't quite know what it was. If it was some potions ingredient, he'd never seen it before.
"What is it?" he tried not to sound like a complete idiot.
"It's the answer to all of your problems, dear. Here...let me show you..."
* * * * *
Ben slammed the door of the common room closed, leaning his body weight into it. Thank Merlin Scarlett had gone off to Hogsmeade with a friend or some other useless thing. The sweat beading his brow, and the sickly pallor to his skin would be noticeable by the blindest of idiots.
Stupid stupid stupid!He'd gone too long. It had been a week now, since that night in the bathroom. When James gave him that powder.
What had he called it? Some stupid girly name... Heroine. The name meant nothing to Ben, since he didn't know muggle drugs, but he'd learned all he needed to know that night.
His rounds forgotten, the prized Head Boy of Hogwarts had spent that Thursday night sprawled out on a bathroom floor. His body lowering in temperature form the cold, hard tiles, while his mind
finally started to shut up for a change. The needle wasn't a wonderful thing, but it was so inconsequential to the after effect that he couldn't care less.
The process was simple really. Nothing more than an experiment. A new potion. Heat the powder until it melted down into a liquid. Insert into syringe, then inject and let it all fall away.
That first night had been blissful oblivion. No more pain, no more sadness. No Tess. No Eris. Hell, he didn't even know if James had stayed for long after or not, only realizing hours later that he was alone in the bathroom. The days since then had been filled with a constant itch of questions in his mind. He experimented with doses, not sure how much James had used that first night. Starting small, he loved the feel of his inhibitions leaving, all those frivolously human things, while his mind seemed to speed up. His notes in class were a bit shaky, but there had been more of them than usual. His potion was flawless, even if his lips were a bit chapped from worrying at them constantly.
After that, he started increasing. Trying to find the right balance of emotionless numb with mental clarity. It wasn't until about a week after starting that he realized he was running out. He'd told himself that was fine. He would get more from James when he could, and that would be that.
It wasn't.
It seemed that, as each hour passed, he got more out of control. His stomach churned like never before, his head was constantly pounding. He was cold and hot and shaking and sweating all at the same time, and he felt like his brain was a rodent on a wheel. He'd ditched most of his lessons the first day after, and all of them the second, as he fought off sleep.
Sleep was worse. His nightmares were vivid, terrible things. Haunting images of Tess, and Eris, and deer and coyotes and nonsense. Finally, on the third day, he woke up ungodly early, having never really slept anyway, and tried to make himself look presentable. It was no good, but he didn't expect to meet anyone in the halls. Walking swiftly to the Hufflepuff common room, the portrait let him pass easily enough. Sneaking into the boy's dorm was a bit harder, and he had to use a few silencing spells to go unnoticed, though they didn't actually work.
He found James easily enough. The boy was sprawled out easy as you like on his bed. When Ben leaned in too close, however, there was movement so fast he almost fell over in shock. As it was, the only thing holding him to his feet was a firm hand wrapped around the front of his shirt. Cold dark eyes starred into his with a ferocious gleam he had never seen before. But he was so frazzled he didn't even think twice about it. All he could think was
More, need more, more....more.
A few seconds passed like that, before James let go of Ben's shirt, pulling back as he slid into an easy half grin. "Watson, you startled me. Didn't expect you to be the sneaking type." He pulled himself into a seated position, giving a bit of room for Ben to sit down.
And he did so gladly. His knees were shaking of their own accord and he didn't understand it. Propped on the edge of the yellow sheets, Ben's fingers fidgeted with the fabric on the knees of his pants, biting his lip out of recent habit. "James. Hey, um...look. I was wondering if you maybe...had some of that stuff you gave me." He cleared his throat and tried to make his voice sound less jittery than it was. "I've been...you see, I've been testing it...experimenting, if you will. And, well, I haven't thoroughly finished doing so."
Liar... "So, I was hoping you had another batch. For science, you know."
It was all a lie, but James simply grinned easily, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "Of course! I'm always here to help out a friend." If Ben had been in his right mind, he would have noticed the strange inflection on the last word. But right now his mind simply latched onto the chance to get more.
James moved off his bed swiftly, his pajama bottoms tied neatly around his waist, torso bare as he padded around to his trunk. He didn't bother with his dorm mates, they were complete idiots anyway. Specially the Bailey kid. A few seconds passed before he stood upright and approached the bed to stand in front of Ben. The Head Boy had to contain himself, had to fight the urge to grab the slightly larger pouch out of the Hufflepuff's hands.
"One condition."
Ben's eyes widened at that. "What?" he asked.
James' friendly smiled changed, into a deadly smirk that was lost on the frazzled Slytherin. "You owe me."
Blinking in confusion, Ben wasn't sure what to make of it. He didn't understand what was being asked.
The other boy sighed dramatically. "Come, come, Watson, keep up." He tossed the bag a few times into the air with ease, each being watched carefully by glazed eyes. "One favor. Anytime I want. Any
thing I want. I call...you come."
"Done."
Ben shivered now, against that hard door, still feeling the nerves itching under his skin. The leather pouch was a welcome weight in his hand. Mouth dry, stomach churning, he walked as swiftly as he could on shaky legs to his room. He'd kept the needle from that first night, tucked away in a safe place. It was a Saturday, and no one would come looking for him for hours.
Long, wonderful, blissful hours...